Monthly Archive for August, 2006

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Testing out My Telepathy With Clif

Friday Secret Raining Chundermuffin survey says??

I hope it’s a condiment and it goes with this:

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We never quite laid the groundwork for the run to the beef. So behold the power of the bloggo. We were massively disatisfied with a craptacular Italian Beef from unnamed location. And in comments, the proprietor of a super duper recommended place chimed in. And then fulsome actually went!

What would be even more awesome is for someone to write a review of The Clientele concert right here! Oh woops! At least we can fill some variables in the fulsome friendship equation. friendship<$2.50 or two tacos. I wonder what percentage of a Lollapalooza ticket surcharge that is?

I would also like to state for the record that Chuckles likes some form of mayo, in the form of a vietnamese sandwich sauce. Now if you'll please excuse me, I have some mustards to alphabetise.

UPDATE: Our judges say that donuts DO go with ham!

The Powers of Pugsley

Before I begin on the P o’ P, let me say KEEP going on the condiments, because if we ever win the lotto, we will construct such a monstrosity and everyone is invited for extensive snackola. Maybe we’ll cover beverages next week! Additionally, I have a feeling Clif will cook something up for Friday Raining Chundermuffins, so I’m gonna put the script in tomorrow night.

So here we have the P-man, the little guy, the champion.

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Note his powers of Carpet Camouflage™ (he’s practically INVISIBLE!) and Super Streamlining™. What you can’t see is that he’s comfortably laying on the floor with an 80 mph headwind in our living room, but he’s so streamlined you can’t tell. Not shown in this picture (no camera is big enough) is his poop machine power. Pound for pound, or at least cubic inch per cubic inch, no dog poops more. This little dude is the champ. He’s like Chuckles only his power is genuine not a toilet destroying affectation.

Second in an occasional series of Puppy Powers.

I Think its Time We Had a Heart to Heart

There have been exclusionary forces at work, perhaps leading to crappy posts, we care not, we ask no questions, we assign no blame. These forces unquestioned by us have perhaps reduced the dialog here at Three Bulls to unsubstantive and flippant remarks concerning items of “enormous size” known as “wangs” and various other sundries. Today I would like to tell you about my dream. It is a vast and important dream and it concerns all our futures together on the oil platform. On this oil platform, in addition to the world’s supply of Take 5 bars, there will be an unimaginable additonal thing. This thing will be filled with various delights that are as important to 3B as life itself. Yes, I am talking about a refrigerator so filled with condiments that hangers on will be forced to apply for condiment cards so that when they check out various mustards, their name will be on file and they’ll have to use one of those slidey ladders to obtain their mustard that they identified in the fricking card catalog!

What I need is your help in deciding what to get for the condiment library. Remember, our library takes all kinds, so even though some consider mayonnaise a satanic object, not amount of picketing outside will keep us from stocking this item.

Please include name of item, manufacturer, why it is good and what it tastes like.
On my list so far:

1. Sriracha. Rooster brand, natch! Spicy chili sauce with a little garlic and sugar, piquant central.

2. Sambal Oelek, also Rooster brand, nice chili paste.

3. Mustards

A. Spicy honey mustard, Honeycup or Ingelhoffer.
B. Grey Poupon.
C. Coarse/stone ground dijon.
D. Gulden’s Spicy Brown.
E. Plochman’s Yellow.
F. Mama Raps Garlic Mustard. You need this one for your real fridge. Trust me.

4. Mayonnaise

5. Ketchup

6. Zeisner Curry Ketchup.

7. Roasted chilli paste/Nahm Prik Pow
From Kasma’s favorite brands (a how to for Thai cooking) ” Often labeled as “chilli paste in soya bean oil.”
Preferred brand is Pantainorasingh in 8 oz. and 16 oz. jars. Mae Ploy brand is also good
.”

8. Soy sauces
A. Kikkoman regular and light for Japanese style.
B. Chinese Light and Dark.
C. Kecap Manis

9. Oyster Sauce.

10. Thai Sweet Chilli Sauce.

11. Hoisin sauce.

12. Fish sauce (both “pricy” and dark kinds).

13. BBQ sauces- here’s where I need help.
A. Montgomery Inn “Ribs King” Sauce
B. Maull’s (which kinds?)

14. Franks Hot Sauce (it will go in the non-fridge portion of the area)

15. Tobasco
A. Regular
B. Jalapeno
C. Chipotle

16. Horseradish, both creamy and regular.

Come on people, what else goes in there, we need help on the local favorites. There is no such thing as redundancy with condiments, so if we need different brands, say so. Once we are on that oil platform, that’s it. We need that thing stocked!

Sometimes the Track Puts Your Head in Your Lap

but Dr. Dre don’t know Sc*tt about insipid, dangerous homeware. Picture this picture below in your mind:

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The above has been described by container aficianados alternatively as “boxy,” “metallic,” and even in some circles, “cute.” There is only one problem about such decorative, and possible utilitarian tins. That small problem with the item is this: when you open it up, there is your own brain, looking up at you in all its quivery pinkness, emboxed in a brick-like state like so-much unbaked salmon loaf.

Let us investigate the item further, so we may understand how you got here. Feathery, leathery, pleathery fingerprints are all over this situation, also maple syrup.

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IKEA Canada, in concert with the Althousian Cabal, a menace to our homes. We would have pegged double-A for Pottery Barn.

Mendacious D had his eyeball on the menace firt hand, and we thank him for placing himself in danger.

I Have Just Brought it To My Personal Attention

that I kind of go around writing web log posts in my head, while not actually writing them on the web log. Dear Insty, how can our nanobot helpers allow an army of thought bloggers to become reality. I would love to see the technorati pings on “Wow, that poop smelled bad. Oh crap, did I think that on the blog? I’m so embarrassed. Good thing I, Pinko Punko, am anonymous, and didn’t just out myself by thinking my real name. Oh shit. I did. Both.” The only thing I can add to that certainly unfortunate enterprise would be that the Secret Service would have their plates full. And we’re not just talking chuckles here. Anyway, just think of the arrangement as less content, but more filter.

An example: I mentioned previously that an airport cobag had laid me so low. Some well-heeled Chazmonaut talking on his celly-o to some dude “Sc*tt” whom cobag kept calling “Sc*tt” by his name “Sc*tt” in that way you do with your not really friends when you are annoyed with them, like [deleted for my safety]. Anyway, he was mentally pissing his pants over and over about Hezbollah and Iran and was advocating that due to their fanaticism, the only way to handle the sitch, cuz they were DETERMINED to nuke Israel, would be to attack Iran immediately. OK. S. T. F. U. And I felt bad for Sc*tt because Sc*tt could not get off the phone with cobag. Who kept talking down to him, Sc*tt, for the entire gate to listen to. And I didn’t get to go to Popeye’s. So I never told you about that. Mostly because this post by Kung Fu Monkey summed it all up. What needed to be said? Nothing.

I Love It When You Call Me

Big Papel?

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Big Papi?

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Beard Papa?

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Big Poo-Poo?

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Ring-tailed Pemur?

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It’s one of the above, and we don’t know yet. I’m outty.

Cease and Desist

Er, never mind. I was going to write an extended post about how a bowl of olives, supported by Iran, has caused Hezbollah to use chemical weapons on my colon. Two things, it turns out Syria had nothing to do with the olives and the post was kind of lame, as I thought it sounded Goldstein-esque. I do feel better now. It’s not my fault I ate the whole thing. I ate those olives for freedom.

2 Entertainment Gossipy Things

1st, and most importantly:

Pee Wee on a Plane

Do you have your tickets yet? I’ve got mine!

 

2nd: The thing that disturbs me the most about Haley Joel Osment is not the fact that he was driving drunk, nor that he was driving drunk while only 18 years old, nor that he flipped his automobile and broke a few ribs, nor that he had marijuana in his car, nor that he may face some jail time for all of this.

No. He’s a child actor. That all makes sense to me.

What I find to be the most disturbing is that this young man, he who sees dead people while paying it forward to a couple of secondhand lions, was driving a 1995 Saturn.

A 1995 Saturn.

He was in a movie that almost everyone has seen.

Has the economy gotten so bad that even actors have to settle for Saturns now? What’s next, Mary Kate and Ashley have to take turns driving the Kia? Mandy Moore has to ask her dad if she can borrow the Cutlass 88?

Jonathan Taylor Thomas would have never settled for anything like that.

My Plans Circa March 2005

The remarkable thing is how many of these things I actually did…and the scary thing is how many I have yet to do. And if WordPress loved me there’d be a page break after item 20.

1. Restore house.
2. Continue to get drunk on a regular basis.
3. Enjoy my fabulous life in Tucson.
4. Enjoy Tucson friends and all that the area has to offer.
5. Ponder what sort of idiot would ever want to leave.
6. Sell house and make heaps of cash in May/June.
7. Sell my possessions except for the prized and portable.
8. Take service industry job where my fantasies about women half my age are continually whetted.
9. By chance my job allows me to scam upon my five Tucson listees.
10. Realize that I am old.
11. Begin fifth-stage of mid-life crisis.
12. Late June.
13. It’s hot.
14. Start drinking heavily.
15. It’s a dry heat.
16. Become addicted to mescal.
17. Convince myself that the little cactus growing in a neighbor’s yard is really peyote.
18. Realize that it is not.
19. Have stomach pumped.
20. Have thorns removed.
Continue reading ‘My Plans Circa March 2005′

The Case Against Steely Dan for Being Secretly Awesome, or at Least ‘baggers.

Exhibit A:

Pinko Punko said,

July 1, 2005 at 10:03

I think you might appreciate this Steely Dan conversation that came up the other day with my friend.

Pinko Punko said:

Clearly the most elitist liberal band in the whole universe is Steely Dan. They are so elite even their session players don’t get it. Some people have an aversion to them like fingernails on a blackboard, and that is just family. Yet even Tony Soprano sings along to “Dirty Work.” “I’m a fool to do your dirty work, oh yeah”. Even The Random Randroid likes that song. In fact he’s pissed because now he can’t get that *ucker out of his head.

The Uncanny Canadian said…
I don’t want non-elitists to understand Steely Dan. It would suggest some breakdown in the educational system that they would get how awesome Steely Dan is. And f*ck, do you think Donald Fagen gives a rat’s ass whether his whored-out session player knows why he’s playing an acid jazz rhumba?

Gavin M. said,

July 1, 2005 at 10:13

But what’s so hard to understand about Steely Dan? Upper-middle-class New York Jews with a blues fetish and a Brill Building background graduate from Vassar and move to LA, hiring ace studio whizzes against a background of giant doobies and cocaine.

Like, what else would result?

Exhibit B: Steely Dan offers unsolicited advice on hotel stationery to Luke Wilson.

Actor Owen “Butterscotch Stallion” is deposed:

In a statement released by his spokeswoman, Ina Treciokas, Wilson said: “I have never heard the song ‘Cousin Dupree’ and I don’t even know who this gentleman, Mr. Steely Dan, is. I hope this helps to clear things up and I can get back to concentrating on my new movie, ‘HEY 19.’ “

Exhibit C, the awesomest exhibit, Messrs. Becker and Fagen go to the well, also on hotel stationery, address Wes Anderson’s directorial career.

The prosecution rests.

I’m confident that Steely Dan will be declared Ministers of Cobaggery. They deserve a Golden Onion Wiener.