Monthly Archive for August, 2006

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Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch

Published by Pinko Punko on August 16, 2006 in Pitchfork. 30 Comments

Since we’re obscure and nobody really cares what we write about, or talk about or anything, and fulsome hasn’t (as far as I know) reviewed this years P-fork music festival yet, we are going to go to the well and bag on Pitchforkmedia.com some more. We can’t link them now, cuz they’re down, but we sure can kick them. Just kidding. To the 1.7 readers that desire to know more, P-fork should be indie music heaven, but it’s a bunch of college kids getting into the scene not working on their writing and playing big shots and otherwise annoying people who just want to love them.

They are running a ludicrous countdown this week of the 200 best songs of the 60s. And they are accomplishing their annoying goal because we are even talking about it. Of course many of the songs are massively unappreciated or unknown, and most likely quite good, and many, I’m sure, sound influential by virtue of their experimental or forward-looking nature. Thing is, something rediscovered through modern sensibility isn’t influential, it’s merely prophetic of future aesthetics. Do these aesthetics retroactively confer “best” status? Who knows, but I would like to add that there is a delicious irony in Pitchfork’s current sh*tting on middle brow alternative music while embracing even larger common denominator pop and hip-hop in the ironic hipster way yet disregarding entire swaths of 60′s music that would fit the category of their current obsession. If you’ve heard of it, it’s passe. They could never be so obvious. Once again, hipster cobags on the road to predictable contrarianism. It’s like reading a defense of Ann Coulter in The New Republic. Oh woops. Anyhoo, why couldn’t they just call their 60s Countdown “60s Countdown” instead of “Best 200 Songs of the 60s?” Now, they are getting into more stuff you might expect as it proceeds toward Number 1. They are on notice that “Mr. Soul” need be very very high, and “Reflections” needs to be on top of a pile of Supremes songs.

Additional Pitchfork irony- they had to ask for pictures of their own musical festival from another outlet, then pooped on the little guys. They should have just asked fulsome. Thanks to Tuning Fork for the info!

We Have Been Previously Unaware

Published by Pinko Punko on August 16, 2006 in Blog Nemeses. 5 Comments

of our readers polite pleading, nay, unhinged demands of more quality in their time wasting du Blog. Since it is almost certain that we would be unable to comply, we are left with two options and an unmentionable third. The first would be to post a picture of the cutest squirrel licking an ice cream cone while dressed in a Hello Kitty backpack peeking out from which is the furriest miniature kitten imaginable. Since we do not have such an image at hand, there is only one thing to do:

LIVE FROM TUSTOSAN!!!!! THE RETURN OF PARROTLINE!!!!111!
Snagsby never had it so good!

Magnifique “Eat Its” dans le histoire du Cinema Part Deux

Published by Pinko Punko on August 15, 2006 in 'baggery. 1 Comment

I always imagined that inside the pseudo-matronly linebackeresque frame of Mama Babush a shriveled, bird-like unspeakably evil and ancient Madame Konstantin lurked, at the ready to comfort her eternal chundermunch of a letter W with the classic line “we are protected by the enormity of your stupidity.” Sadly, this has been misunderstood as the unfortunate equality between more enormous stupidity and more protection.

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You would think mecha-Cheney would have driven homeboy up to Petropolis by now!

Magnifique “Eat Its” dans le histoire du Cinema

Published by Pinko Punko on August 14, 2006 in Serious Pants. 19 Comments

Reader’s Note: Uh ohs spaghettios, I’ve been strapped into serious pants with rocket boosters. I’m flying through a serious vortex.

This one goes out to all the budding Major Strassers out there. Even in this most manufactured and cinematic way, you simply cannot deny the feeling or simulacrum thereof for our mecha-readers. It gets me every time. I like to remember what it is to have a heart and stand for something, not merely parroting tiny blarts of ridiculous, illogical and pathetic propaganda. Take your time eating it, cobags. Perhaps Mecha-Cheney would ejaculate distorted electronic laughter in response to such puny emotionalism, it being foreign to his circuitry. Seriously, though, enough with these knobs, and the tiny horses they rode in on.

I repeat, play the f***ing Marseillaise.

Oh, and Another Thing

Published by Pinko Punko on August 13, 2006 in Blah Blah. 45 Comments

Nothing is sacred to cobags. Not even nameless and unspeakably evil things.

I think Chuckles might admit, and Res Publica will poop himself, not in the good way, that this is probably worse than it looks.

Also, until 2 weeks ago, Uncanny had no idea of anything Lovecraftian whatsoever.

Chunderwagons, Norbiz, Assorted Jamaican Cake Bakers, Jeff Goldstein

Published by Pinko Punko on August 13, 2006 in 'baggery. 16 Comments

can all breathe a huge sigh of relief….

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same great taste. Whew. I need to sit down. I was almost out of breath.

Marketers to Three Bulls! readers: “These are ninja doritos. We apologize for disguising them every year in newer, and we feel, seemingly more obscure packaging. Lest you be put off by any hint of offputting, allow us to use our words to soothe your inner turmoil as to the contents of this package. We most certainly assure you of the “same” “great” “taste.” Additionally, do not be alarmed if you are pelted by throwing stars. Also, allow us to mutter “idiots” under our breath. Take no notice. Regards, Ringtailed Pemur.”

Just to sum up: It’s not like I have any idea of what that might mean to anyone else, but I think I haven’t made a convincing argument that it just sounds kinda right, but it does, doesn’t it?

I Love You All

Published by Pinko Punko on August 11, 2006 in Blah Blah. 17 Comments

but sometimes it feels like the world is run by persons with excessive munchloafery besquished into their wadded up underoos.

Many thanks to UC for breaking the bloggo in a manner consistent with entertainment of you, our dear readers.

This is how I feel.

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At the bare minimum my Smokey Dog symbolized under-the-bed pain will make Jillypants happy.

Would that I felt like this, sharing some good times with my ol’ pals. Anyhoo, I’m off for the tub, metaphorically at least. Homeland Security banned the bathwater with the baby.

We’re back in the saddle shortly. Chunerhumps beware, especially cobags in airports.

Friday new music poop shoot

Published by The Uncanny Canadian on August 10, 2006 in Musicano, Pinko of Pork Records and Poop Shooter. 5 Comments

In my lame-ass attempt to provide new 3B content before I disappear for the next few days, I am trying a poop shoot based on music I have never heard before. All of these songs were obtained from Pinko Punko during our short but notorious visit last week.

1. Action/Adventure – Andrew Bird

This is really catchy music. It features a very prominent picked guitar line and this aura of ’50s black and white movie mystery. Some beautiful fiddling as well giving it that old fashioned feel. His voice is really good as well. I think I relate this music to Patrick Wolf’s style a little. 8.5/10

2. House of Cards – Radiohead

This is a live recording of a new Radiohead song. I probably heard it when they played in Boston, but it’s not familiar enough to remember. The song begins by sounding nothing at all like Radiohead until Thom Yorke starts singing. The voice is right, and all of a sudden it sounds like classic great amazing Radiohead. And it keeps getting better. It still has a strange bossa nova kind of beat that is a little distracting but the lyrical qualities are so good. It’s clear that once the song is polished and produced it will be a fan favourite. 9/10

3. In A Hole – Miss Alex White and the Red Orchestra

Continue reading ‘Friday new music poop shoot’

Three Bulls! takes a shower

Published by The Uncanny Canadian on August 9, 2006 in but what the hell. 23 Comments

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The stench is indeed strong, which leads me to conclude that teh l4m3 is right, when he proclaims that this blog is in serious need of a shower!In our modest defense, though, everyone appears to be on vacation or is a cobag. Oh, except for me I guess. And I’m a terrible blogger.

I think this science experiment would make for a more 3Bulls-esque shower:

Even better yet is the expose tonight on the Discovery Channel show, Mythbusters. Oh, how I love the combination of science and food.

Update 1: Yes, I did something insidiously horrible to WordPress (or vice versa), but I think YouTube is partly to blame.

Update 2: No, it’s just me.

Update 3: It now amazingly works*

Update 4: * Offer not available to Firefox users**. Please direct complaints to the management

Update 5: ** I think it works now on all browsers. If you would believe, it all came down to a single carriage return. Chunderbrowser112!2111!11!!

On the Road

Published by Pinko Punko on August 4, 2006 in Animal Crackers, Blah Blah and Out and About. 10 Comments

I wish we were having Punko family canine circus as below. The boys, sadly are being marginalized, as I fear is PupH. We haven’t even heard from the lil’ guy since GH got back from Francy Pants.

Catch you guys on the flip.

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