Monthly Archive for September, 2006

Whatever You Do

Do not read further. This post is like Pandora’s box. To read it in it’s entirety would melt your face off like the Ark of the Covenant getting opened by Nazis. This post is resistant to serious snark blogging. It is not that we don’t recognize the snark potential. It’s that we do. Continue reading ‘Whatever You Do’

OUR PRONOUNCEMENTS OF THE DAY

1. The ruling in its present form is not satisfactory to us since it practically does not result in any change. Persons/emus will be able to visit the new bathroom an unlimited number of times without being subject to further control.

2. We would accept the current relaxation rooms to continue to be used provided that the presence of controllers in both rooms is ensured.

3. When the two players need to go to the bathroom, they should be accompanied by an assistant arbiter.

4. The checks carried out in the relaxation rooms were made only by experts of the Organizing Committee, whereas our experts were present as observers and only after the second game.

5. We find it difficult to understand why is it that the accredited journalists are denied access to the video tapes from the relaxation rooms.

THAT IS ALL

Emus need not apply

Oops!

Mr. [Mark “What ya wearing?] Foley reportedly sent the messages to the first page in August 2005. Mr. [Representative Rodney] Alexander told a Louisiana newspaper this week that he had told the page’s parents and the Republican House leadership about them “10 or 11 months ago.” But House leaders said Friday that they had not known about the incident until the day before.

I assume Atrios is playing coy here, and not genuinely perplexed about the awesome, fantasizing-about-a-teen-in-tight-shorts hugeness of this scandal.  So my charge to you, dear reader, is to come up with a pithy one-liner for Democrats to trot out at every goddamn opportunity over the next 6 weeks.  My entry:

What Mark Foley wanted to do to one teenage boy, the rest of his Republican colleagues have been doing to the whole country over the last six years.

Glenn Greenwald Doesn’t Quite Nail It

Double G on some Hugh Hewitt and Mark Steyn cobaggery.

To sit around chortling about how great these detainees have it and how grateful they should be requires a sociopathic derangement that is nothing short of grotesque. And to believe that people on a one-day controlled visit get an accurate or complete picture of what goes on there requires a blind faith in the Government so absolute that it is explains most of what one needs to know about the authoritarian Bush movement. On the day our country legalized tortured techniques and vested the definitively un-American power of indefinite detention in the President, Hugh Hewitt and Mark Steyn take off their masks and reveal the hideous and frivolous face of the Bush follower.

It is not “blind faith” in government that these people have. It is an almost pathological lack of empathy, both for real other humans and for the possibility that they could ever be in such a situation themselves. Those things do not exist. So we have those in the majority that cannot comprehend what it would be like in a minority. We have those in power that cannot comprehend being powerless. We have those who live in freedom but cannot comprehend imprisonment. This suggests to me that they don’t really understand what freedom means.

Also, The Editors.

Also, fish.

UPDATE

Also, plover below (very much so).

They make ’em exactly like they used to and they don’t

So, who do you suppose might have penned the following:

If there must be a polemic between Democrats and Republicans, it could be conducted in a more respectable and sincere way. It could turn to an examination of ideas and facts, as is customary among conservatives, and not persevere in a system of chronic slander.

Instead, here is Clinton who takes up again in his speeches the journalistic theme of the menace of the “Vast Right Wing Conspiracy” as embodied in Bush and of his responsibility both for intelligence failures and international terrorism.

Could it be the cock of the walk? Could it be the divine Miss A? Well…
Continue reading ‘They make ’em exactly like they used to and they don’t’

Ghost Rider-Suicide

To lighten the mood. A tribute to the unheralded Song of the Day.

Language advisory, animalistic yelping advisory, awesomeness advisory.

Science shows us this is otherwise

I think that this has been covered in comments below, but I didn’t have time to post this before rushing off. I think that there are two points to be made. The first is directly below, and illustrates the fallacy that is not apparent to many in this debate about torture. The word justice has been redefined by Revelations marinated cobwads as equal to the word punishment. Science shows us this is otherwise.

VENN20.jpg

Here we have another scientific truth revealed by a cursory study of the US Senate. As noted by the scholarly LGM, the Eff Ell Ay Nelson has as his opponent the unfortunate K. Aravosis-Harris.

VENN10.jpg

The codification of illegal activities renders today one of the saddest days in modern American History. One could make an argument that this day represents a backwards shift in American democracy almost unheard of. It is the direction of the change in political thought that is troubling. Clearly, there have been civil rights atrocities perpetrated by the US government before now, but in those cases one could claim they were very much of their time and did not necessarily represent regression in American governance, only expressions of current racist, imperialist or classist thought. Expressions that did not stem from a devolution in political thought, but the status quo.

I guess I might have kinda been serious

I just called Boxer’s office. On hold for 7 minutes. Low quality/resolution classical music.

Staffer answers, seemingly pissed.

PP: “What is the Senators position on the torture/detainee bill?”

Staffer: “The Senator has not yet issued a statement on this bill but we are awaiting the vote on the Specter/S.P.E.C.T.R.E.? Amendment now….I can take a message on your views about the bill for the Sentator (still pissed).”

PP: “It would be a shameful day for the United States for this bill to pass in any form. I would be highly disappointed if my Senators voted either for this bill or cloture on debate.”

Staffer: “Well OK thank you..” (hangs up)

PP: Too mad to lambast the insidious cabal of the CCA.

1-800-AMNESTY- ask for the Capitol switchboard, use the pretenses provided below, then COBRA STRIKE FORCE ACTION TEAM on their ass about the CCA, but first the torture. Habeas Corpus, then Habeas Kickus Assus.


UPDATE
:

Feinstein’s hold music MUCH higher sound quality. Staffer much friendlier.

PP: “What is the Senator’s position on the current torture/detainee Bill?”

Staffer: “The Senator is highly against the Bill.”

PP: “Is the Senator against the Bill enough to vote against cloture on debate?”

Staffer: almost laughing, tralala like, “Well, I don’t know, that is something we’d have to ask the Senator.”

PP: “I’d like the Senator to know that passage of this shameful Bill would be inexcusable. Even if the Specter Amendement passes on Habeas Corpus rights, there are enough other aspects of the Bill, including the definition of torture, presentation of secret evidence, etc. that I am highly against any vote by Senator Feinstein in favor of this Bill or for cloture on debate. Please pass on my concerns to the Senator in no uncertain terms.”

Staffer: “Thank you for your input.” (hangs up)

PP: Curses! She had me at “we’d have to ask the Senator”- it made it sound like we were going to have a picnic on the Oval and go Pork Snorkeling and have tidbits with the Senator and she got me off my game. I will now lie in wait and get her on the CCA issue later.

UPDATE UPDATE: If John McCain were a phone number, he’d be 9-1-1 as in IS A JOKE. Gregor Samsa says:

GS: Can you explain to me why John McCain voted against the Habeus Corpus amendment to the MCA. I think that this is probably one of John McCain’s most disgusting votes and that says a lot. All of his pandering to the press on this issue in recent weeks appears to be just that pandering for political reasons and not principled reasons. This vote and the MCA are absolutely disgusting.
AK: I let the Senator know.
GS: No. I want an explanation.
AK: McCain hasn’t released a statement yet.
GS: So are you saying that staff is not prepared to address this issue?
AK: No I’m not saying that.
GS: Well then I would like an explanation!
AK: There’s nobody here to provide you an explanation.
GS: Well either McCain’s office is unprepared or they care so little about the issue that they can’t be bothered to address it.
AK: Look I’ll transfer you to Church (I forget his last name) our Military affairs staffer.
GS: OK
Church’s Voicemail: Blah blah blah
GS: Long rant about the Habeus Corpus amendment, with a demand for a call back with a full explanation.

Dials up the McCain DC office again…

AK: Please hold
GS: OK
AK: Please hold
GS: OK
AK: Hello
GS: Did you just transfer me to the Military Affairs staffer.
AK: I don’t know.
GS: I left a voicemail with him. But I want an explanation now for John McCain’s vote on Habeus Corpus.
AK: I gave you the voicemail of the Military Affairs Staffer.
GS: I wan to speak to someone in person and get an answer.
AK: There’s nobody here.
GS: Chief of staff?
AK: Let me try…
AK: Nope not there.
GS: Next person down on the organization chart? Assistant chief of staff?
AK: Look there’s nobody here that can help you.
GS: So you are saying that John McCain’s office is unprepared to address this issue?
AK: You are being irrational! I don’t want to have to hang up on you. We are very busy. I have eight lines on hold.
GS: I AM NOT BEING IRRATIONAL! This is an extremely important issue. You should have anticipated questions on this vote. I want an explanation for this despicable vote!
AK: There is nobody here that can answer your question. I don’t want to hang up on you. You can come down to the office to see for yourself.
GS: I’m in Arizona. You know the state that JM represents!
AK: I didn’t know that. Can you please hold?
GS: OK
Holds….
AK: Please don’t yell any more. I’ve told you there is nobody here to help you. I’m just an intern.
GS: *(first time voice is raised in whole conversation)* Look, I won’t be called irrational by Senator McCain’s office. I would like to point out that you work for us and not the other way around. I’m your constituent. Either Senator McCain’s office is unprepared to address this issue or you care so little about the issue that you won’t address it.

*(Anchors Aweigh Hold Music Plays During Last Rant)*

AK: Ahem
GS: Did you just hang up on me?
AK: No
GS: Why did I hear the hold music?
AK: I accidentally pushed the hold button.
GS: !!!!!!!!!! What’s your name?
AK: Adam
GS: Last name?
AK: Kim
GS: Spell it!
AK: K..I..M..
AK: Look if you’ll hold I’ll try and find somebody to talk to you..
GS: So you bounce me around for five minutes and tell me that’s not an option. That nobody is there to address my concerns. And then you put me on hold while I’m talking? And then I call you on it. You lie about it. And now you offer access? Your actions and the actions of the Senator’s office are absolutely disgusting! *hangs up*

If Boxer or Feinstein vote for cloture, there will be a replay. A painful and awkward replay for some sad staffer.

The Lies of the CCA

know no bounds. I am literally shaking with rage at the remarkable turn of events regarding the ’08 Ford Women’s Worlds, the FoWoWos. The FoWoWos are NOT some rinky dink dime store tourney that can be awarded to any old hole in the ground. I feel sick to my stomach to even reprint such deceit. If you can bear it:


“Curling has a very long tradition in central British Columbia where World Championships have been staged very successfully in the past. We are very confident that the curling fraternity in Vernon will provide a first class international event in a world class facility.”

CURLING2.jpg

Why not go all the way in equating Vernon with the entire Western Hemisphere or perhaps the Earth? The Earth has hosted wonderful FoWoWos, therefore Vernon will be a wonderful site, on Earth, NOT SPACE, for these lovely events!! Idiot chunderstains that send Keith Olbermann soap powder as fake anthrax would be better served to send bars of soap labeled as such to the CCA so they can wash the stupid out of their tiny bird brains! Can the FoWoWos be marginalized any further?? Maybe if they were called “American Torture Debate Wos” could they be shoved out of the limelight any further.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Please call your Senators at 1-800-AMNESTY (you will be patched through) using the far-fetched but most likely seemingly reasonable pretext of discussing some bill or other up for vote. May we accept this suggestion of Jesus’ General gleaned from the Times. Here are several Trojan Horse gambits for jumping into discussion with your Senator:

Enemy Combatants: A dangerously broad definition of “illegal enemy combatant” in the bill could subject legal residents of the United States, as well as foreign citizens living in their own countries, to summary arrest and indefinite detention with no hope of appeal. The president could give the power to apply this label to anyone he wanted.

The Geneva Conventions: The bill would repudiate a half-century of international precedent by allowing Mr. Bush to decide on his own what abusive interrogation methods he considered permissible. And his decision could stay secret — there’s no requirement that this list be published.

Habeas Corpus: Detainees in U.S. military prisons would lose the basic right to challenge their imprisonment. These cases do not clog the courts, nor coddle terrorists. They simply give wrongly imprisoned people a chance to prove their innocence.

Judicial Review: The courts would have no power to review any aspect of this new system, except verdicts by military tribunals. The bill would limit appeals and bar legal actions based on the Geneva Conventions, directly or indirectly. All Mr. Bush would have to do to lock anyone up forever is to declare him an illegal combatant and not have a trial.

Coerced Evidence: Coerced evidence would be permissible if a judge considered it reliable — already a contradiction in terms — and relevant. Coercion is defined in a way that exempts anything done before the passage of the 2005 Detainee Treatment Act, and anything else Mr. Bush chooses.

Secret Evidence:
American standards of justice prohibit evidence and testimony that is kept secret from the defendant, whether the accused is a corporate executive or a mass murderer. But the bill as redrafted by Mr. Cheney seems to weaken protections against such evidence.

Offenses: The definition of torture is unacceptably narrow, a virtual reprise of the deeply cynical memos the administration produced after 9/11. Rape and sexual assault are defined in a retrograde way that covers only forced or coerced activity, and not other forms of nonconsensual sex. The bill would effectively eliminate the idea of rape as torture.

Once you have strongly advocated for a filibuster on this issue, then is the time to lay low. We will then be in positionto unleash a strike of no small amount of power. We can feel free to advocate in no uncertain terms the annexation/destruction of the CCA. Under our brave guidance, the ’08 FoWoWos will shine down like the rays of God’s finger lightning, electrocuting man and beast with excitement.

I’m not joking about wanting reports in comments about what your Senator/Senatrix said about these matters, either regular old torture or f***ing CCA b*lls**t munchloaf *ss torture.

Toad Break

From George Orwell’s “Some Thoughts on the Common Toad“:

How many a time have I stood watching the toads mating, or a pair of hares having a boxing match in the young corn, and thought of all the important persons who would stop me enjoying this if they could. But luckily they can’t. So long as you are not actually ill, hungry, frightened or immured in a prison or a holiday camp, spring is still spring. The atom bombs are piling up in the factories, the police are prowling through the cities, the lies are streaming from the loudspeakers, but the earth is still going round the sun, and neither the dictators nor the bureaucrats, deeply as they disapprove of the process, are able to prevent it.

Wait… “holiday camp”!?

Update: Bonus hare break — (QT, WMV)