Monthly Archive for October, 2006

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GHOST MELON ALL UP IN YOUR GRILL!!!!!!

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Happy Helloween!

Keeper of the Seven Keys, Part the Second, Cobags!

So I was at the Dr. the other day with a sore throat and no wonder, he said, your esophagus is a douchey office building. Touche, Herr Emu, Touche.

Last Minute Halloween Crap

If you are without a costume idea, may we suggest the follwing super scary Tricks, some require you Trick or Treat at specific houses, some require you to have more ass than we.

1. Go to Ann Althouse, not really, chunderwads, but her bloggo. Sign up for a Blogger account. Pick a user name such as EdgarWinter47 or FrankensteinHellzyah! or FREEDOMROCK and introduce yourself as the Rockin’ Knight in White, and tell her you want your look back.

2. Go to Ann Althouse, not really, chunderwads, but her bloggo. Sign up for a Blogger account. Pick a user name such as “Readingisfundamental” or “Readingcomprehension47” and tell her to stop telling everyone that you guys slept together, because you are not even friends.

3. Go to Lance Mannion’s, not really, chunderwads, but his bloggo. Sign up as Matthew Perry or Aaron Sorkin or Amanda Peet or blue girl and tell him to go f*** himself.

4. Dress up as an empty box of Eggo waffles and go to Jonah G’s house.

5. Dress up as a toilet paper tube with no paper and go to Jonah G’s house.

6. Dress up as a comment box from this web blog and scarebore the f*** out of your neighbors.

7. Take your Edgar Winter costume, go over to Whiskey Fire with a sixo of Zeems, say you are Annie A and you wanna play guitar hero and that he should wear his snugglypants.

8. Start going around the internets referring to Powerline as the Lawyers, Guns and Money of the Center.

9. Dress up as Smokey’s squeaker leaker wearing a sign that says “I had special dinner.” Leaving cumulostinkus calling cards everywhere.

10. Go to Chuckles’ house. Tell him his World of Warcraft account has been revoked.

11. Go to Three Bulls! Tell them that UC, Gregor Samsa, Yosef, plover, Capn’ T, RR and the Nutter are never gonna post again.

12. Take a humongous mirror and wheel it around and when people answer the door tell them to look at themselves, really, really look at themselves. Then shake your head.

Our Stupidest Post Ever- don’t fight me on this, Fulsome

I cannot determine if this “fun an’ games” Halloween themed chunker is satire or lMAO-style satire of satire.  Either way it’s not funny (leans lMAO, hi Frank!).  Something tells me if it were really lMAO, it’d be “al Qaeda Halloween Party” and it would be chock full of Yakov-stylie “in al Qaeda, Osama comes to you!” jokes.

UPDATE BREAKING:
Frank J.= “…along with some idiot from AMERICAblog”

We are all IMAO now.

Games to play at your Club Gitmo Halloween Party.

1.  Human pinata.

Fill partygoer with “Double Bubble.”

Beat.  Can easily change theme to racist or other with accesories.

2.  Twister, Rendition Edition.

Gather up all the dudes. Cover them with excrement.  Pile them up in naked, humiliating pyramid.

3.  Waterboarding for apples.

A Fall favorite. Lynne Cheney can start.  Doesn’t work on undead automatons, but probably does on their living beards.

4.  Save the Stem Cells. 

Make paper-machier cell bolus.  Place in burning orphanage full of children and women.  Save paper-machier.

5.  Scary Election.

Make fake voting booth out of shower stall.  Place actual paper ballot with “Straight Democrat Ticket” already checked.

6.  Parkinsonian Possession

Flash lights on and off and pretend to have brain-degenerative-related loss of muscle control exacerbated by medication.  Use this to exploit the crap out of other party goers.  Then tell them they got owned when you murdered their unborn doomed to be molested Senate Page babies.

7.  Satanic Sitdown

Sit down all party goers for a serious chat about how Halloween is satanic and you want to get back to its true meaning of Satanism. Then at the last minute tell all your partygoers “just kidding!”  Then pass out Chick Tracts and have James Dobson over to beat your dog.

Sorry guys/gals/birds/its, I am so frazzled by this election business I cannot focus on anything.  Also, the pounds an pounds of Halloween candy remaining to be eaten.  And a Pork Snorkel report.

To Be Honest

If you were to keep dividing our ass in two, you would normally not reach the no-ass state.  But with us, it is most likely no-ass to begin with.  I have been thinking about our failure to bring you the japes and tom-foolery (Chuck Woolery?) you so crave.  I am flogging myself for losing the keys to the pantload mobile

And another thing.  I forgot to start watching a TV show that I hate and talk about it on my web log after each episode.  One of the reasons for this is that the entire internet is already like that.  The show is THIS MORTAL GODDAMNED COIL, and we are being tortured off of it, some more literally than others.  Tomorrow: last minute ideas for Halloween.  No worries, Dan Riehl, you can go as yourself.

Ugly Bird Lovers of the World

Bow down to your pwn4g3 ownage. Check out ugly bird amateur night in comments here. A terrible, terrible pwn jape, a strikethrough jibe, a web log prostitutional gambit. Can we get any lower? I ask you. [ed.- yes, that was a plea for comments]. I say we can, because that was just the “fake editor” gag. I will top it.

This is what I want to embed:

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But it is was such a waste of your life that you don’t even deserve it, plus it was random anime and then it was that stupid video.

I kind of choked this one. I couldn’t go with crazy duck sex. I’ll leave it up to your depraved clicky to click the clickspot.

WHEW!

Good thing there aren’t gigantic space fetuses with cloning jones and humongous lazerbeam eyes. Only a minority of us would be safe from their grudges on behalf of their little space buddies known as “ball of cells.” This is the same minority that could be baking chundermuffins as we speak.

Er…

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I Feel Like Those Dudes

…in Foucault’s Pendulum, you know where they kind of created a conspiracy to fill in the blanks? Well, MD has actual cobaggery by the actual Canadian Curling Association, maybe not the “shaking with rage” level, but more the bigoted Canadian wingnut level.

Jeff Suppan: Stem Cell Expert, 2004 World Series Goat

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Game 4 was somewhat of a disappointment tonight. You know, because of the rain and the game not happening and everything. However, I did see a most interesting commercial. It featured a whole bunch of chundertesticled smegmanuggets, mostly Missouri-area athletes, talking about why voters should say No on proposition 2. Yes, that proposition 2, the one that Michael J. Fox was just condoning a few days ago that would essentially allow Missouri researchers to work on stem cell research, including using nuclear transfer for generation of new stem cell lines. Importantly, it would ban any attempt on reproductive cloning, an important provison that is essential for any research using this technology, such as has already gone forward in Massachusetts.

So I thought it was quite interesting to see Jeff Suppan, among others, come forward as a prominent opponent to stem cell research. You see, Jeff Suppan hates medicine. He believes people should suffer from disease, just as god intended it. It turns out that not only is Jeff Suppan highly learned in regenerative sciences, but he’s quite the pundit on legislative matters. According to Jeff Suppan, “Amendment Two claims it bans human cloning, but in the 2,000 words you don’t read, it makes cloning a constitutional right.”

It’s worth checking out this story from a CBS news station, which includes a good video segment talking about the anti stem cell commercial, as well as appropriately demonizing Rush Limbaugh, as he so intensely deserves.

Continue reading ‘Jeff Suppan: Stem Cell Expert, 2004 World Series Goat’

Subliminal Ann Althouse

Michael J. Fox has Partisankinson’s Disease.