Monthly Archive for March, 2007

CONTEST!!!!!

From Clif, in comments:

After the story of the Glock in the condiment aisle, I think we need a new version of the Snacktator Sweepstakes — this time it will be the Shoot and Sauce ‘Em Up contest:

1. Sam Pickapeppa’s The Wild Lunch.

2. Little Caesar Salad Dressing

3. Donnie Tabrasco

Three Bulls! T-shirt o’ choice to the winner, enter as many times as you can, we’ll come up with voting rules later, if anyone besides Clif enters. Won’t Fannie be PO’d when Clif comes home with a Full Frito T-shirt?

Pass Over This Jordan

Then Joshua commanded the officers of the people, saying, “Pass through the host, and command the people, saying, ‘Prepare you victuals; for within three days ye shall pass over this Jordan, to go in to possess the land, which the LORD your God giveth you to possess it.'”
— Joshua 1:10-11

Upon the death of Moses, Joshua became the leader of the Israelites and led them in the conquest Canaan — which he carried out with quite ruthless thoroughness. At Jericho, the finale of the siege is described thus:

So the people shouted when the priests blew with the trumpets: and it came to pass, when the people heard the sound of the trumpet, and the people shouted with a great shout, that the wall fell down flat, so that the people went up into the city, every man straight before him, and they took the city. And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword.

— Joshua 6:20-21

Only the household of Rahab “the harlot” was spared as she had earlier concealed two of Joshua’s spies. Joshua dealt with various other Canaanite cities in pretty much the same bloody-minded fashion, getting big thumbs up from God all along the way.

Cut to 3200 years later:

Continue reading ‘Pass Over This Jordan’

The Fan Has Been Shatted

BREAKING

Yikes! Oh noes! What…what…what could happen???

We just got our answer to what the trolls have been up to!!!!!!!

To:C.T.Rolly-Pantsalot@climateaudit.com
From:"James Inhofe"
Subject: RE:Your Proud and Amazing Service To Our Country
Attachment: imhofe.jpg

Dear Honorable Captain,

Thank you for your exceptional and special gift. I shall wear it with pride throughout my time in the Senate. It is probably difficult for you to understand the deep pain the former conservative majority feels to be trodden under the heels of such insufferable boobs. Our club of American grown supergeniuses, communicating by thought alone the most subtle and sophisticated of calculations, reading the very thought of God in the aetheric miasma. We are being tested like Garry Kasparov by Deep Blue. We will pass this test by taking a mental baseball bat to the "Deep Blue." Please find included a picture of myself with your lovely tribute. I like to wear it while mapping Lie group E8 248 dimensional symmetry and doing superstring Sudoku puzzles with only two starting numbers, i and pi.

Regards,

James Inhofe,

Outside of Iamatotalchunderbag, OK

inhofe.jpg

WAIT….WHAT ARE THOSE??? ARE THOSE GRAPEFRUIT?? DOES THE SENATOR NOT KNOW?? SOMEBODY NEEDS TO WARN THE SENATOR!!!!!

WARN HIM!!!! WARN HIM!1!!

Secret Friday Raining Chundermuffins!!!!!!! ON MONDAY!!!

UPDATE: They only rain on the main page. Click the masthead.

DOUBLE UPDATE: They are over. You missed them. You must hate yourself.


SOMEONE VERY AWESOME PROVIDED THIS INCREDIBLE SHOWER OF ATRIOS.

We even have a soundtrack! Your choice for getting your sexy on with ATRIOS!

CHOICE 1:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

CHOICE 2:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Also, Monday Goldberg Theatre has been pushed back a week. We’re getting creamed in the ratings by a similarly themed masterpoop.


UPDATE!

Is it just me or does the little guy look like Gil Gerard? Remember when he took on that motorcycle gang? Also, when he was able to somehow maintain a platonic relationship with Col. Wilma Deering? 100% ALL MAN.

Breaking and Weird-Developing

Just got bcc’d on this e-mail, prolly by accident? Wtf???


To:james.inhofe@senate.us.gov
From:C.T.Rolly-Pantsalot@climateaudit.com
Cc:fmassha47@STAGMC.ru, RAtubersocko@yahoo.com, MajorSS@pajamasmedia.net
Bcc:"3B" [redacted]
Subject: Your Proud and Amazing Service To Our Country

Dear Senator Inhofe,

Your moral strength will provide a bullwark, against which the lashes of partisan and liberal science shall be thrust asunder from. Just as global warming fanatics cannot explain the ice cubes that form in the continual arctic winter of my home freezer, they cannot explain the citrus apocalypse that cost California most of its winter citrus crop this year. Using nothing but a wheelbarrow of burning coal, I managed to fight back the cold that Al Gore denies, and I have saved for perpetuity a small fraction of this condemned citrus crop, and I present it to you with my unending good will and delighting in your inconceivable total awesomeness. I know it cannot be possible, but I think you poop Einsteins, as the kids are wont to say.

Dearest Regards,

Capt. C. Theophrastus Rolly-Pantsalot, Esq., HMS, etc.
Beanthrop Rookery
The Noodge
Crunchberryshire, Wessex
UK 1029A8

1) First of all: WHAT did he send???

2) Secondly, is it possible that anyone could fall for such idiocy??

Saturday Fantasy Baseball Wrapup

If your name is not Pinko Punko, Halford, Seitz, or Brando, you might just want to skip out right here. It gets gory ….

The league: Mixed 16 team head-to-head draft format, 5X5. We have $200 FA dollars and bid for draft position. I had the #8 pick overall, after bidding $33 for draft position. Very competitive league and lots of reserve spots.

By Round:

Chase Utley – the consensus #8 pick. Surprisingly, Jose Reyes slipped to #7. I wanted Ortiz, but he went #5
Derrek Lee – I wanted a basher to complement my middle infielder. It was him or Morneau, and I just hope he runs this year
Andruw Jones – Surprised he fell to me. The guy I wanted, Garret Atkins, went one pick before me
Jonathan Papelbon – I went along with the closer run to pick a guy I really see as the #2 closer out there.
Continue reading ‘Saturday Fantasy Baseball Wrapup’

DANGER!

More dangerous than møøses. Do not let UC approach the UC head-sploding device. His head will be sploded and it will be a veritable birfday party for chumpwagons. Please do not click the link.

The triumphant return of Science Thursday

OK, maybe actually not so triumphant. But thanks to ???, we have a really cute music video featuring Stephen “MC” Hawkings and some really cute animated sheep. That’s worth something, isn’t it?

Behold: The offical video for MC Hawking – What we need more of is science.

The Missing E-mail From The Gaps Rolls In!

3B Exclusive! Must cite 3B!

From: John S. Berries (CHUNDER)
Sent: Wednesday, Nov. 22, 2006, 9:17 am EST
To: Kyle Sampson
Subject: Project Healthy Sinks

[redacted]

-----Original Message------
Lam has got to go. Have broached Issa's and the Judge's concerns RE: lack of movement for Sink Salad (P HSinks) agenda. No response from several calls. Apparently she does not agree with POTUS feeling that criminals will be demoralized by sink lettuce, other vegetation. Appeared to assert "collateral damage" and "totally f***ing disgusting" arguments in her non-responsiveness. POTUS desires to have lettuce in every American sink by the next election.

From: John S. Berries (CHUNDER)
Sent: Wednesday, Nov. 22, 2006, 10:84 am EST
To: rove27notgovemail@gmail.com "Karl Rove"
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Project Healthy Sinks
-----Original Message-----

Inhofe demanding Sec. of Vegetables. Told no such position. Gave him snack pack peanut butter and cheese crackers. Seemed to calm him down. Would be good to keep him in fold RE: sink salad proj. Possible negatives: dumber than feith (lol)

JSB

From: John S. Berries (CHUNDER)
Sent: Wednesday, Nov. 22, 2006 11:20 am EST
To: valyra@blonde.sexy.ru
Subject: RE: Help me with my sexy visa

Attachment: ProjectHealthySinksOverviewTopSecret.doc

-----Original Message-----
I would appreciate it if you stopped e-mailing me. I cannot help you with your visa situation. This is my work e-mail.

JSB

UPDATE If this were a joke it would have been about “boyfriend khakis.” Please see TPM Muckraker for more on this important issue. SINK LETTUCE OUT NOW! NO MORE BUSH SALAD!

UPDATE IIThe spelling fairy has been through this post and comments. Please do not send your peanut butter and cheese cracker snack packs to James Imhofe of Scandal Falls, KY, but instead to James INhofe of Iamatotalchunderbag, OK.

MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY

GOLDBERG THEATRE!!!!!!!

Ep8-1.jpg

Continue reading ‘MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY’