Monthly Archive for September, 2007

A Bill of Goods

Could SOMEBODY. PLEASE. SEND. DUNCAN. HUNTER. THE GRAPEFRUIT SUIT. And dial 1-800-GRAPFRT-CHPACBRA while you are at it.

Then, I would appreciate it if Gregor could his Rep’s office, and everyone else here, for that matter, call your Congressperson’s office and get their opinion on this: “Restore Patriotism to University Campuses Act”

Then please ask them if they would be willing to support the “Restore Duncan Hunter’s Assly Region to A Head Free Safe Space” or name your own bill. Anyone that really does this gets some Three Bulls points, redeemable for Skee ball. Seriously, make up your own act and ask your rep if they support it.

The New Left

na a la the old The Left, The New Left leaves our old blogs and our old fake blogs twisting like our grannie panties in the wind instead of taking your ball and going home. Why? Because the New Left forgets passwords to blogs.

Sadly it appears that the New Left is not only responsible for casting the Church of Gay into, like, total chaos, at the very self same time p-lover is seriouspantsing The Episcopal Church, the New Left is backdooring those mofos “sans lube” as they say at the Republic! If the New Left has seemed a little gay lately, roll the tape ladies!

WE DID NOT LEAVE THE EPISCOPAL CHURCH, SHE LEFT US………..WE ARE STILL FAITHFUL EPISCOPALIANS WHO’VE BEEN DESERTED AND SCORNED BY THE NEW LEFT LIBS IN CHARGE…………WHY DIDN’T THEY START THEIR OWN CHURCH AND LEAVE US ALONE?

We did start our own Church, it’s CALLED THE CHURCH OF GAY DONCHA KNOW!

In other parts of the world, we are apparently doing some other stuffs, let’s take a look:

Sunday I crawled into the Archives, braving the dark and ancient archival hazards, scattering the dust.

And I emerged from that cavernous mystery (where some say the Ark of the Covenant is still hidden) with the prize I had sought: the MacGuffin of my last article, the Crowley Artifacts. In the wee hours of Monday morning I scanned two crucial documents whose antique pre-MSDOS characters were, first, stamped, letter-by-letter by engraved hammers striking through cloth covered with ink, and, later, transferred, by offset lithography, to the kind of flat, fibrous medium they used to manufacture from fallen trees. It was a 40 year old newspaper of the American New Left Communist Underground, and it contained the work of Walt (not Aleister) Crowley, co-founder of HistoryLink.org.

ozzyosbournemrcrowley.jpg

Reproduced for your edification, here, are the letter published in October, 1967, to which I referred in my Crowley obituary, and Crowley-original art taken directly from the cover of the following month’s issue of the Helix. I don’t know where else you can see these things but here, on www.theReaganWing.com.

We can only reproduce them, here, on the WordPress blog format, slightly narrower than the column, and I had to do some splicing with the scanner, but if you click on them, they should open large enough, not only to read, but to see the little wrinkles in the paper.

The letter was printed with an introduction explaining that Crowley had written it just 10 minutes before going to an appointment at an Armed Forces Induction Center.

Doubt me not when my memory shudders into life (like an old Hudson), coughing and sputtering up facts of Washington history. When I say Crowley was a Communist, Crowley was a Communist. Don’t make me crawl back in there to prove Slade Gorton voted to acquit Clinton during Impeachment to circumvent the Constitution and admitted as much to me in writing. Do not doubt that I can illuminate the Dark side of Dunn and Maleng, Vance and Tebelius as well. The Archives have it all.

The New Left is such a communist baby we need to have what we were doing right there explained to us. Seriously, people the New Left urges you to consider these fine blogs whose Churches we’re burning and whose Constitutions were circumventing.

Also, the New Left predicts WAAAAAAAHHH WAAAAAAAAAAH WE MISS THE OLD LEFT WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!

The New Left has been known to say Suck. On. This. Soget in line, cobags!

Let’s Play Snag

As you know, Snag’s persona (the disgusting one, not the Knuteman Rocknefeller Curmudge-dad with a heart of Golden Grahams) pre-emptively takes all my ideas. He always adds his little fluorishes like weasel testicles and what not. Anyway, why don’t we play a little Snag’s Product Endorsements in commentos.

Episcopal bishops declare inertia a sacrament

A statement was released yesterday following a meeting in New Orleans of the House of Bishops of the Episcopal Church along with the Archbishop of Canterbury and other Anglican leaders.

The current conflict between the various branches of the Anglican Communion surfaced in 2004 after Gene Robinson became the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal Church. Since then the Episcopal leadership has been steering a course (some would argue wallowing like an overloaded barge) between the needs and convictions of its congregants regarding the full participation of LGBT folk in the life of the Church — including marriage and ordination — and the reactionary panic of the more conservative bishops and of leaders from other provinces of the Anglican Communion. These other leaders, largely from African countries such as Nigeria and Kenya, tend to come up with statements such as this one from Archbishop Peter Akinola of Nigeria:

I cannot think of how a man in his senses would be having a sexual relationship with another man. Even in the world of animals, dogs, cows, lions, we don’t hear of such things.

and this more recent one from his subordinate Isaac Orama, Bishop of Uyo:

Homosexuality and lesbianism are inhuman. Those who practice them are insane, satanic and are not fit to live because they are rebels to God’s purpose for man.

(Update: Apparently there is some evidence that Bishop Orama never made this statement. He has, at least, repudiated it on the record.)

Continue reading ‘Episcopal bishops declare inertia a sacrament’

Church of Gay implodes

After twenty-four centuries hours of providing spiritual sustenance and sanctuary for Inhabitants and Friends of Gay, the Second Antinomian Church of Gay (Western Testement) has fallen into chaos and disarray. Discord even.

Third Under-Deacon of the Bacon Vestry Pinko Punko, the Church’s highest ranking cleric, was heard saying: “I have ceased to understand what you are talking about.”

One witness thinks this was in reference to the rumored attempt to have Fred Phelps declared Ur-bishop of the Church. An attempt which supposedly fell through once someone realized that Phelps could not be verified as an Inhabitant or Friend of Gay.

Another witness claimed that Under-Deacon Pinko referred to a recent incident in which sentient mecha-toilets invaded the sanctum of the New Über-Temple of the SAC of Gay (WT) where they proceeded to cavort shamelessly and make off with the sacred vibrating pointy hats.

It was hoped that Res Publica, Pontifical Cookie Sexton of the Second Antinomial Church of Gay (Southern Testement, Undescended), might be persuaded to assume the Holy Cockring of Antioch and thus solve the crisis by reuniting the two Testements and restoring a unified SAC of Gay. However, he could not be found for comment though it was apparent that whatever he was doing, he was doing as hard as he could.

Apparently the only hope for the SAC of Gay (WT) is for Under-Deacon Pinko to defeat the evil axis of Alth0use to officially become The Left. In the words of one SAC of Gay acolyte: “Go! Vote Three Bulls! Fly, my pretties! Fly!”

Values Voterama

[PP adds: You may have read about the values Voter Debate elsewhere, but 3B actually had a correspondent in the room- the Random Randroid!!!!] Continue reading ‘Values Voterama’

Clif needs a hug

Clif’s beloved Fanny is gone. We miss them but we don’t forget them. There is nothing one can say but it helps to say it anyway.

An odor that’s difficult to get rid of

A friend of mine emailed me Krugman’s latest.

For inscrutable reasons, at the bottom of the column is the gnomic pronouncement:

David Brooks is off today.

From their inclusion of the qualifier “today”, it would seem the New York Times editors retain the hope that that condition is likely to change.

I can has elddrich?

O hai,

I gots u sum sannity but I eated it

Now ur paralell linez are meetting

Kthxbai

Fridge Note/Ye Olde Pitchforke Cobaggery Watch

The awesome Kathleen, who passed us this, still owes us a Song of the Day. I admit a tiny little poop, I was laughing so hard.