Monthly Archive for January, 2008

Memory Lane

I forgot we ourselves did some nice cobagitation oh so long ago on John Aravosis. And go over to Republic of Dogs and tell Res you love him, because you just remembered this:

“I know you don’t usually allow cussin’ on this here blog, but I have to say that that is a giant, steaming load of 100% prime grade Texas-style BULLSHIT.

Everyone — EVERYONE, gay or straight — knows exactly what he meant. He was calling Roberts a PUSSY. We GOT it. It’s an ASSHOLE thing to say.

As for the whole ‘gay jargon’ thing, well…I’ve been a big homo for as long as I can remember, and I’ve known a whole bunch of other big homos. Here are the two ways I know to use “girl” in a ‘mo context: a) “Hey, girl, what’s up?” (This is friendly, colloquial, and strictly derivative of the same usage among African American women. It means “you are my friend, my sister.” It is a gentle recontextualization of the way society demonizes us by feminizing us. Variations include “oh, GURL!” and “Girl, his dick was HUGE! (when it’s T3h). Then you have b) “She swears she’s a top, but she’s just a BIG GIRL.” This is, I think, precisely what John meant, and his critics are 100% correct to peg it as misogyny. Talk like that is common in gay life, but it is strictly derivative of similar usage among heterosexual males who might call each other “pussy” or “fag” or “bitch”. It is an unfortunate expression of gay men’s collective anxiety about their status as appropriately gendered subjects.

I could get all Judith Butler about this, but the point is that John is correct to say that he was using a gay expression, and he was still being a misogynist prick. Not everything in gay culture is all rainbow flags and glowsticks.”

Also, Johnny A-LIST dropped about three latte’s worth of SMACK. He’s watching your balls as we speak.

Seriously

Did anyone e-mail Jonah about the beef-a-roni that he’s currently ducking? I can’t do it myself, and frankly I think he’s being massively coy here:

I know there were other blog discussions of the book, pro and con. I’ll post those (or at least some of those, I have no obligation to call attention to unadulterated asininity) when I dig ’em out. Also I’ve gotten a pile of interesting email queries I’m going to try to deal with in the next day or so. I know I told some readers that I’d deal with their questions and still haven’t. I promise it wasn’t because I was ducking anything, it’s just very hard to keep track of all this stuff while staying on top of everything else.

I LOVE HIM for this blatant shoutout to us. A niggling point in that I feel we’ve been highly adulterated, and really only half-assinine, but the time for games IS OVER. Light it up, J. Hit us with your best shot.

Go

The Snags need you.

Emuvosis-The Emuvosising

UPDATE: Jonah Goldberg gets the treatment here.

From the Japanese EP “Next Stop Chumpagon” 3B Wreckords presents our All Star salute to John Aravosis, Paid-triot, Legend, Ass.

I was hesitant to post because there is one voice in here that I felt could be misconstrued as a particular stereotype. The stereotype that it was meant to be construed as is one of a wise guy charlatan huckster, not any other.

Emuvosis mp3 [not shown on RSS]

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Below the fold are annotated lyrics, so one can fallow the Tears of the Emuvosis.
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If You Only Knew The Extent To Which We Half Assed This Blog

Yes, I know you claim to have knewn the extent to which we blah blah. The Lord put us here to be surround by cob loggers, as we are ourselves also cob logging.

I bring you “The Devil’s Squirrel and His or Her Booty”- these pics were contemporaneous with the pimping of the Gigantic Take 5, which Dr. Squid has requested to see. I’m sorry to say I’m just clearing out everything in order.

A harmless rodent looking to abscond with some goldfish crackers????

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LOOK INTO ITS BEDEVILED RED EYES! IT CRAVES THE GOVERNMENT TEAT AT WHICH TO SUCKLE FREE GOLDFISH, IT IS BUT A LIBERALLY FASCIST SQUIRREL!!! CLICK, CLICK ON THE IMAGE, MAGNIFY IF YOU DARE.

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Also, speaking of Devlish Rodentiae, Johnny Americablog hilariously banned and edited P. Punko in this thread, which is not currently attached to any post. I encourage FM Asshat and the like to frolic in this secret thread with abandon. It would be nice to see the depths of obsession we’re dealing with.

Badge of Honour

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Also, my amazing and thoughtful comments have been deleted.

Also:

Ok, first off, I never talked about $150,000, so it’s not relevant to the conversation. Secondly, the $150k you’re referring to was in the actual stimulus package for couples, not single people. Third, do you have $120,000 in student loans, paying $1200 a month for them in addition to your rent? Anyone who’s gone to graduate school in any professional degree, law, medicine, does. You’d be hard pressed to explain how you live on $40,000 a year paying, say, $1200 a month on rent (if you’re lucky), and another $1200 on your grad school loans – leaving you a little over 11k to pay for utilities, insurance, food, and that’s of course assuming that you pay none of that $40k in fed taxes, local taxes, or SS. And I have to tell you, I know lots of people in NYC, and not a single person would say that you get by fine on $40,000 a year in New York City, unless you aren’t paying for insurance, didn’t bother to go to grad school, aren’t putting any real money away for retirement, and aren’t planning on ever buying a first home. So, I’m sorry, but you’re not describing “living” in my book. You’re getting by with no plans for a future. And that’s the very problem I’m describing, unless we’ve now given up on the idea of people getting an education, having health care, and actually ever owning a home, i.e., we now consider all of those luxuries that don’t fit into the equation. I certainly don’t consider them luxuries.
John Aravosis | 01.25.08 – 3:16 pm | #

Just because you categorize your debt as student loans, doesn’t mean that it’s your debt. What about your flat screen TV? You paid for that. What if you had paid for school and charged your TV? Would that count towards your sainthood?

Tears of the Emu

Thanks, fish for this.

Let’s continute in that vein. John Aravosis is making it awfully hard to parody him. He also always changes the post title, essentially burying the original haloscan comments, where 600 people (minus scottinsf, who wouldn’t live in SF for 75K a year, god love him). We bring you that link here.

Words of wisdom:

NOTFROM JOHN: Bruce, you are responding to numerous arguments I did not make.

I said that the problem isn’t that one $300 check is going to break anyone making $75k a year. Never said it. What I clearly said was that far too many proposals from the Democrats are ONLY geared towards the poor, or at the very least don’t help everyone – fixing health insurance for example and only focusing on poor kids when everyone else is scared to death of what their insurance won’t cover should they suddenly have a catastrophic illness, or fixing education by only focusing on “inner-city” schools and ignoring the vast number of suburban schools that now have gang problems, drug problems, metal detectors etc.

I never said that there is something wrong with helping the poor. I said that a political party that only helps the poor with every single proposal, and ignores the rest of America, isn’t going to be winning a lot of elections, or solving a lot of our long-term problems.

NOTE FROM JOHN: Liar. This is what I’m talking about. People simply lie because they disagree with you, so they simply must instantly hate you. When did I say that the Democrats should never ever do anything to help the poor? Never did. But again, you lie because it’s the only way you can justify the personal attacks.

NOTE FROM JOHN: Again with the cute personal attacks. Are you aware that my trips to Europe are usually free? My tickets are usually covered by another business trip that I piggy back France on, or last summer I had friends watch my apartment, and they paid me, and it made up a big chunk of my ticket. I’d call that about as smart and frugal as you could get. You go to Florida and you pay for it. I go to France and I don’t. And you simply do not live in Washington or NYC as a 40-something paying health insurance, paying off or having paid off what in today’s economy would be $120,000 in student loans, try to put money away for your retirement and buy your first home. It is simply wrong to suggest that $75k a year is swimming in money for someone in that situation. You can make all the cute remarks you want, but facts are facts, please argue them. Oh yeah, and I rent a small studio in a neighborhood that had, and still has, a pretty high crime rate. You simply don’t know Washington, which is my point.

NOTE FORM PINKO: Buuuuuuuuuut wheeeeeeennnnnnnn willllllllll I seeeeeeee Suuuuuushi and NAssssssssdaq??????????

Settle down? Again, this is what I’m talking about. You guys can’t make a single point without throwing in a snippy or bitchy comment.
John Aravosis | 01.25.08 – 12:52 pm | #

NOTE FROM PINKO: Apparently “settle down” to someone frantically appending notes to critical comments, so frantically in fact he appends a note to someone’s comment that could possibly seen to support his point (with some chiding) is an aggressive personal attack.

Actually, Nero, I worry that any health care fix is going to leave a lot of people out – those who are not “poor.” And let’s face it, very few of us could afford $2000 a month premiums – and probably none of us could afford something catastrophic. But I fear that the Dems don’t really care about helping people beyond the poor. Again, helping the poor is a wonderful thing. But if it’s the only people you help, then everyone is pretty much screwed.
John Aravosis | 01.25.08 – 1:01 pm | #

NOTE TO JOHN, FROM GOP: Don’t say you want me, don’t say you need me, it’s understood. Don’t say you’re happy, out there without me. I know you can’t be. It’s no good. Come running to my open arms.”

OH MY GOD! SCOTTINSF RETURNS:

You know John, I agreed with your post. Sad that so many posters consider me “elitist” because of my income and the city I live in. I like your post and the issues you brought up.
scottinsf | 01.25.08 – 1:42 pm | #

Let’s set the seriously socklike scott in sf the scene:

And to those whining about 75K being rich or something…..give me a break. Making 75K in San Francisco means living check to check in a three bedroom/one bath flat with roommates. 75K ain’t shit. I wouldn’t dream of trying to live here on that.
scottinsf | 01.24.08 – 6:46 pm | #

This is a lie. Let’s say you make 75, we’ll give you 55 after taxes. Let’s say HALF that goes to rent- you splitting a 6K a month apartment with two other guys, wow- you must be living in the Tenderloin. Take that bullshit elsewhere.
Pinko Punko | Homepage | 01.25.08 – 4:39 am | #

Seriously, scott,

You must be a parody. I’m sure you have to subsist on dollar tacos in the Mission, every other day. I bet you live underneath 24 hour Happy Surprise massage on Turk.
Pinko Punko | Homepage | 01.25.08 – 4:56 am | #

Good times!

I’ve Never Asked Yous For Anything

But I’m asking. John Aravosis WILL be targeted for battle rap destruction, as he is a gigantic emu choad. If you have any rhymes you’d like to include for the piece, send it in. 3bulls at gmail.

Here’s a little taste of why.

This rap is gonna be so beat down, I expect a threat of a lawsuit, but it’s not slander, J, it’s candor. Just go away.

I’ve Got Nothing

Or do I? Bought it, and so should you. Consider it an easy way to toss the Editors a few measly dollars or so. Remind yourself of the parchment paladins. Some good stuff, good memories. No, Airworlf doesn’t have a missile launcher pointed at my sexy chex mix, why do you ask?

Not even appropriate to anything, UC post about Devotchka on Song of the Day, and I thought I would add this vid of my current fave from them, “We’re Leaving.” You’re lucky it’s just only a decent You Tuber of a live show, because if it were the studio track your minds would be blown. Of course it this song entered the Cookie contest, it would lose to something like “How Do I Live” from C(l)on Air(e).

Eat it, chundernozzles!!!!

Seriously, you should instantly weep at the thought of the version that is 300 percent better than this already awesome take, and know the love and loss of the chocolate hammer.

Finally- This is What We Were Waiting For?

A month’s long torture has finally come to an end . It was a month filled with trepidation, fear and paranoia. Finally, the only emotion left is relief. Relief at being done with an arbitrary process knowing no rhyme or reason save filling one with disgust and putting one off one’s appetite. GC and I have been waiting patiently to determine if our hard work would be rendered null and void by fate, or perhaps our own bad decisions, or the decision of some self-appointed God to decide. For over a month we have been put through the wringer as a nefarious bolus wormed its way through the moist and crap filled inner workings of a weird hybrid, crawling through its bowels like a mindless wad of filth. Each day, no several times each day we would wade through the sewer to determine if there would be a result, and each day we’d be denied. In the end we’d almost forgotten about the whole enterprise. The holidays are LONG gone, and the effort expended turned into a dull complacency. Well, today we finally got the results. Results that I would consider to actually be legitimate- way more legitimate than some ad hoc committee coming together, these were the results of a professional machine, one that cannot be doubted.

It’s over.

THANK GOD.

I never want to go through that again.

I can at least say I have the same amount of respect for some people that I’ve always had. In effect, this event hasn’t changed my feelings toward anyone, really. I think deep down, I’ve always felt a certain way about some people, and nothing they say can really change that.

I’m gonna put the rest below the fold because I don’t want to offend anyone, nor do I want anyone to be disgusted by this expose of sickening bowels.
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