Monthly Archive for July, 2008

DISSSSSSCONTENT

The Captain is with you. The Captain is love.

El Capitan de Trollypyjama Llamas has been rolling with the political biz mastering internet traditions for the McCain camp.

DO NOT WANT

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BOY does this Obama cupconecake look delicious. Look at it delicious white frosting. But it’s really a chocolate cupcake. Why does it act vanilla when it is chocolate? It knows it looks so good. It’s flashy. Look at its gimmicky nature. It’s just a brown cupcake presuming to be a delicious vanilla ice cream cone. Also, those sprinkles seem a little flamboyant, don’t they? I wonder if this cupcakecone hangs out with cheesecake? Slutty cheesecake.

Content-THE SEQUEL!!!LL!

There is nothing in the world of web logs that are not memes. The entire act of posting to your web log is in itself a meme. Some memes are labeled as such as they are the instant Sanka of web logs and cob logging. We don’t do those. However, many people have done one concerning five songs on their ipod, 8track, cd, etc. that are embarrassing. This really isn’t the true test.

Continue reading ‘Content-THE SEQUEL!!!LL!’

The Return of Content

We’re back in the saddle. Just have an unoriginal post in the form of the passed-on conversation between two apparently close friends/partners. This trope has been a staple/stand-by of the entertainment media for eons. It will be followed by an audience query/poll. Noted practitioners of the “funny story” or “anecdotal conversation” include BG, Snag, and Jennifer and their straight men and women

GC and I were outing and abouting as can be our weekendly wont. Since it was sun and fun, I proposed we hit the [unpaid product placement] for a soft-serve cone. Fine, my economic blackmail of the redacted corporation must falter in the face of a true confession- it was McDonald’s and I love their soft serve. The boys were riding in the back soaking in the sights. We did drive-through, but the cone producer was not yet a master, nay he or she was but an apprentice and the cones were lopsided and misshapen.

I made a snap decision that we would just park and eat them in the car because this was a mess that was waiting to happen.

I might go to town on my creamy lover, but I’m not going cause a traffic problem. Anyhow, even with the misshapen mess, McDonald’s ice cream is dispensed with convenient ridges so that one’s tongue might find purchase, instead of the frictionless spheroids of Dairy Queen’s product. If DQ’s serve weren’t served just so, any imbalance might lead to your tongue flying off the mark willy nilly.

GC: “Whoa, how are you eating yours so fast?”

PP: “I don’t want it to melt all over.”

GC: “And get the cone soggy?” [totally implied BG slam, I KNOW IT PP adds parenthetically]

PP: “I don’t want it to come to that, no.”

I look over and witness just pitiful technique.

PP: “You’re going the wrong direction. It’s just all wrong.”

GC: “What do you mean?”

PP: “You are going up and down. Go this way” [I exhibit the correct left to right, with a flourish at the end so as not to BG it- anything else is totally BGing it]

GC: “Like this?” [exhibits a right to left, no fluorish]

PP: “No, the other direction.”

GC: “Hey, did I cut myself?” (points at red spot on ice cream).

PP: “Not necessarily. It could be someone else’s blood.”

GC: “Eww. Come on.”

PP: “You never know. Could be.”

GC: “Gross.”

PP: “Did you cut yourself on the cone?” [Ice cream cone tongue cut. It hurts to think about it]

GC: “Loo ah ma tonhh- Ah didh”

PP: “Ow. You did.”

—–some more patter—–

GC: “Do you remember when kids had birthdays at school you were allowed to bring in treats?”

PP: “Yeah.”

GC: “Actual baked goods? You know, that someone actually made?”

PP: “Yeah.”

GC: “And it could even have a peanut in it because this was before everyone was allergic.”

PP: “Yeah.”

GC: “Remember those cupcakes that were baked in ice cream cones, and had frosting and sprinkles to make it look like they were ice cream cones?”

PP: “Uh, no.”

GC: “What? What do you mean?”

PP: “I have never had what you are talking about. We didn’t have those. Did you have those?”

GC: “It seemed like almost everytime! And the stupid cone wouldn’t be crunchy anymore and it’s not an ice cream cone so stop trying to make it look like an ice cream cone because it’s just stupid.”

PP: “No seriously, how often did someone bring something like that?”

GC: “It seemed like every week.”

PP: “Are you sure it wasn’t one mom who brought them one time?”

GC: “YES. They were so stupid.”

PP: “We didn’t have those.”

I was going to throw this out to the public, but I see that Betty Crocker feeds the conspiracy.

Maybe GC got there first, check out this suspicious review:

I tried the recipe and I hated it. The cone was very tuff and like rubber I would never make them again. Unless you glue them down they keep tipping over. NOT GOOD

In praise of finger-scrolling practice

It was with some trepidation that we read several minor critiques of our avian colleague’s recommendation on a longish post on the great Richard Pryor. Fortunately, being a resourceful moose, we have the perfect rebuttal to these naysayers. I give you Puff Daddy Puffy P. Diddy The Artist Currently Known as Sean Coombs on the importance of not abbreviating that which needs to be said, played, or in this case, spun. And yes, rumour has it that he somewhat compromised at the time, chemically speaking. Do enjoy:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

It could be argued that the above is not safe for work, at least without headphones, so be warned that a chorus of wondrous bleeps will be emanating into your ears.

On a related note, the censored version is much funnier than the unedited version. Make of that what you will.

We should like to further add that we were somehow under the impression that it was Snoop Dogg on this track, and we would like to thank Pinko Punko for correcting this error and also uploading the file. 3Bulls: now with pre-emptive self-correction.

Udder Business:

In these times of increasing poverty, we are reduced to a single commenter whose concerns demand to be addressed. Billy Pilgrim Jean Rotten notes in comments:

Odd.

And it certainly is. Oh, he continues:

This blogg is much less incomprehensible lately. If only there was some entity, of Cervidae persuasion perhaps, who could be contacted with suggestions or mild reproof.

And:

I think we need an interpretation from the Moose. Or at least a Ferret.

Currently there is no opening for the position of ombudsferret at this blog. We also suspect such a creature would be more at home in Rudy Giuliani’s office.

As per contractual agreement, all disciplinary matters have been referred to the DOOM OF MANDOS for further consideration.

As for interpretation, we were under the impression that the Readership is more than adequate to the task of taking, say, a set of contest rules and bending them to their own nefarious needs.

Democracy at work. Carry on.

Finally, we note with concern that it has been ten days since the last post, and the emus are growing more and more restless. Will Pugsleypants redeem us all? Will the triumphant return of HNT sate the troubled masses? Will, dare I say it, a rain of secret chundermuffins cleanse us all with its putrefying fire? Kindly submit your suggestions through the usual channels.

CONSTANT DEGRADATION AT REPUBLIC OF DOGS

T.A.F.K.A.R.P. cuts through the bullshit. And his underpants are on righteous fire. I think you may comment with impunity on this one, Mandos. I’ll dip my toe in and see.

Thank You Lord

I’m too much of a crotchety pants to care two bits about college basketball, or anything in the world for that matter, right now. But my inner, different, secret self thinks that this is the best news of the day. Kevin Drum doing color commentary would be more exciting and lively than Billy Packer, a truly horrible, horrible announcer. I expect Brando will be baking a cake.

Material Left on the Table AGAIN

This time, Atrios slams the ball off the back of the rim.

Allow us to rephrase:

Title:

Get back, Jo-Jo!
It’s not Loretta.
Get hack to where you once belonged.

The sunset, stripped

Yeah, well, this is one of those go read it posts.

* it *

A tribute to Richard Pryor, but would be worth it just for the opening riff on the seventies.

What Watergate instilled in some of us when we were young and innocent were feelings of patriotism and pride, because we knew that every country must spend some time being ruled by criminals, but we had the honor of living in one where the bastards got turned out.

Really never goes out of style

Room 125 – National Hotel-
Washington Jan 13/73

Dear Friend Douglass —
 I hope to see you here personally — but more than all — I want you to speak your strong word for the power & majesty of the Old Charter of Rights to protect all citizens under the [government] in their right to vote —
— you, with your old [Liberty Pants construction] of the U.S. Constitution must be in harmony with us that it guarantees a Republican form of gov’t in each state —& that a Repub. form must be based on the [freedom] and franchise of every class of U.S. citizens —
[Sincerely] yours
Susan B. Anthony

The “Friend Douglass” addressed in the salutation is Frederick Douglass. For those who wish to find fault with my decryption of Susan B.’s rather-short-of-gold-star penmanship, the original letter may be viewed in facsimile: pg 1, pg 2.

Words and phrases are in square brackets where I consider my reading less than certain. A more doctrinaire textual scholar than myself might note that the first two words of page two might plausibly be rendered “Liberty Party” rather than “Liberty Pants”, while a more rash one might plump for “Silvery Pork”.

Douglass was a longtime friend of Anthony; both lived in Rochester, New York for many years. Douglass, who usually was closely allied with the women’s movement of the day, had parted ways with them over suport for the 15th Amendment. In the end, however, that circumstance did not destroy his friendship with either Anthony or Elizabeth Cady Stanton. This letter is, perhaps, an indication that much of the tension had eased by the early 1870s.

In any case, Susan B. clearly thought it was time for some liberty pants, though it is not entirely obvious whether it is Douglass or the Constitution that she thought should be so accoutered.

Liberty pants should not be confused with serious pants.

The Unannotated Liberal Style

It is too obvious, and needs only fictional support for the obviousness to be even more apparent than is already deeply obvious. I think we’re toast.

Observe the Conservapedia identifying the clotheslessness of the American Liberal, né Progressive.

Quoth Conservapedia: The style of a liberal often includes these characteristics:

1. Uses the term “controversial” to describe what he opposes (e.g., classroom prayer), but not to describe what he supports (e.g., theory of evolution)

C. I think Jesus Christ should be praised in our schools by all students, regardless of their personal beliefs.

L. That seems illegal, and controversial to boot.

C. [Does shocker gesture in mock surprise]

2. A lack of originality and a predominance of copying and imitating.

C. Hey check out this Malkin post with 500 trackbacks!

L. I agree with this digby post on a topic very important to me, the direction of our country.

C. !!!

3. Virtually never criticize hateful comments or behavior by a fellow liberal.

C. Why have you not commented about serious problems at Republic of Dogs?

L. I was unaware of such a post.

C. Your silence on this issue spe- er, is very telling.

4. Obsession with the media, and even the few conservatives in the media.

L. Why are David Brooks and Bill Kristol wrong all the time? Also, the entire network devoted to Conservatives, Fox News?

C. You want to have their babies. You sicken me.

5. Like to use the phrase “Silence Speaks Volumes”

L. Hey, are you going to respond to the contradictory nature of issues 5 and 7?

C. I’m not going to dignify that.

L. Whatever flo’s yer bo. Anyhoo, I’m going to this talk tonight, Joe Silence is going to do some readings from The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, entitled “Silence [muffled]…”

Continue reading ‘The Unannotated Liberal Style’