Monthly Archive for July, 2008

Page 2 of 2

Something New!

For Pugsley to pee on. I see Mendacious D. has been Ombudsmøøsing in person, or some other møøses of vandalous natures? Happy Fourth!

Hey, what do you know, this page has a lot of the same exact words as this page– SPOOKY! Which is chicken, which is egg? On a sheet cake of giant racist chunderwaddery, casual plagiarism is the lemony icing.

The Ombudsmoose is off today

But really, it’s never stopped us from posting before.

The ombuds has been on vacation, and undertaking a self-imposed break from most political news and a large portion of the blogs, apart from the brave bastion of silliness that is 3Bulls! As I write this, I am sitting in my pajamas (this could perhaps be construed as HNT, but for the lack of pugs and red track suits) drinking espresso and eating homemade cookies for breakfast.

Really, it’s just because it’s the Fourth of July, and I felt like loafing for a change. Hence, this post. Yes, it’s even more half-assed than usual but it’s been that kind of week. Most likely, very few of you will read this today, being patriotic types who are preoccupied with cookouts, fireworks, and first degree burns, which at least gives us time to reconsider the wisdom of handing the keys over in the first place. At least we get time-and-a-half for posting today.

But back to business.

This site, as always, has been a source of much mirth in the past few days, and we are pleased to see the commenters flexing their muscles as required. In particular, the skilled hijacking of our previous column into a contest that was declared and won in very short order.

(speaking of short order, there has been a pronounced lack of pork snorkel recently. We ask that the situation be cured at the Editors’ earliest convenience)

As is becoming standard, prizes will be awarded based on the same system or the most amusing permutation thereof, pending ratification by the Central Committee. As the committee has never hosted the number of geese required for quorum, this may take some time. Nevertheless, commenters are encouraged, as always, to use this thread for their own nominations and other nefarious purposes.



The fact that this joke has been left on the table for weeks of Chinese-Cuba-Republican hijinks must simply be an oversight on my part.



The Game of Book and Cover

It can be fun to play, if not dangerously irresponsible.

Regarding a recent seemingly failed identity theft at the University of Utah, the Salt Lake Tribune reports that:

The records were stolen in early June after a courier for the U.’s contract storage company, Perpetual Storage

Let’s take a look at the cover before we judge the book.



Only the ancients can namecheck the web technology powering this website of the future. I feel that if your website appears older than Shoji Tabuchi’s, it maybe doesn’t seem as professional as it should.

Let’s examine Perpetual Storage Company Literature:

Perpetual Storage is a world leader in long and short term off site storage of business records. When you need secure off site storage for your critical computer records , cd’s, optical discs, microfilm and fiche. Perpetual Storage’s granite vault is the place.

If your disaster recovery/business resumption plan demands that your sensitive records be properly protected under the correct temperature and humidity levels and be available 24 hours a day year round then Perpetual Storage is the correct choice.

With the Passage of the Sarbanes-Oxley Act, ISO and HIPAA regulations organizations need to make sure their contingency plan includes off site storage of their sensitive data in a secure facility. The Perpetual Storage vault encased in a solid granite mountain is the logical choice for the off site storage of your crucial business records.

How could an imperious gang of Moriarty Level masterminds infiltrate a chilling tomb of solid rock? Let us examine their allegedly criminal physiognamies:


Yikes. Karnak says BOOK!:


Survey says:

The records were stolen in early June after a courier for the U.’s contract storage company, Perpetual Storage, left them in his personal vehicle overnight outside his home in Kearns. He violated company policy by not taking them to the company’s vault in Little Cottonwood Canyon…

Survey says ICING!

The group became aware of what they allegedly had – and a $1,000 reward – through media coverage of the theft, [Sheriff] Winder said. But he said they did not appear to have the ability to access the information on the tapes. “They’re not techies,” Winder said. “I don’t know if they could find their rear end with both hands.”

Punk Band Names For The Middling and Likewise Aged

Butt Mushroom


Incipient Combover

Ankle Cancer

Total F***ing Bumblebee Veto

Multivitamin Rex

Big Oatmeal