Monthly Archive for September, 2008

It’s Been a Little Too Hot Under the Collar in Here

Everyone needs to take a cream slush break, courtesy of global warming enablers Sonic. Sit waiting for your order in your sweltering hot car idling with the AC blasting!!!! For what? For this:

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Atrios can have one too. Do you think he hates on us because we bust on him?

I love you Orange Cream Slush. Your pal Lemon Berry is just OK.

Muslim children gassed in Dayton, Ohio

From Chris Rodda (author of Liars for Jesus exposing the “Christian nation” moosechunder being pushed on history classrooms, and research director for the Military Religious Freedom Foundation):

[A] ‘chemical irritant’ was sprayed through a window of the Islamic Society of Greater Dayton, where 300 people were gathered for a Ramadan prayer service. The room that the chemical was sprayed into was the room where babies and children were being kept while their mothers were engaged in prayers.

As I understand it, no one was badly hurt. However, Rodda quotes an email she received from a friend of one of the victimized families:

“She tells me that her daughters slept with her last night, the little one in her arms and sobbing throughout the night. She tells me she is afraid, and will never return to the mosque, and I wonder what kind of country is this where people have to fear attending their place of worship?

“The children come into the room, and tell me they want to leave America and return to Syria, where they had fled to from Iraq. They say they like me, … , and other American friends — but they are too afraid and want to leave. Should a 6 and 7 year old even have to contemplate the safety of their living situation?

The incident coincided with:

This week, 28 million copies of a right-wing, terror propaganda DVD are being mailed and bundled in newspaper deliveries to voters in swing states. The 60-minute DVDs, titled Obsession: Radical Islam’s War Against the West, are landing on doorsteps in a campaign coinciding with the 7th anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. Funding is coming from a New York-based group called the Clarion Fund, a shadowy outfit whose financial backers are unclear.

Rodda notes:

The presidential campaign edition of the Obsession DVD, currently being distributed by the Clarion Fund, carries the endorsement of the chair of the counter-terrorism department of the U.S. Naval War College, using the name and authority of an official U.S. military institution not only to validate an attack the religion of Islam, but to influence a political campaign. For these reasons, this endorsement has been included in MRFF’s second lawsuit against the Department of Defense, which was filed on September 25 in the Federal District Court in Kansas.

The incident took place on Friday; Rodda’s post was promoted to the front page of DailyKos on Sunday; there has at the time of this post still been almost no media coverage of this outside of the local Dayton paper.

Just Want To Chime In on Sexist Chumpwagonnery

I think Sarah Palin is being prepared to be scapegoated for everything relating to the McCain debacle. I think she bears some responsibility for having the unmitigated hubris to consider that she might be capable of running the country. That being said, she was convinced of such by a campaign apparatus that bears the true responsibility. She can’t get her positions straight because they are built on an incoherent quicksand. She will be the one to take the fall. The insiders are now starting to whisper about her incompetence. Guess who’s upstairs in this incompetence chain of command, assholes? You are. I fear the inevitable discussions of Palin’s incompetence will eventually take a sexist detour as they always do. It’s bogus. In fact it is STAGMC.

You want to know why flamewars on blogs are so annoying? They resemble the McCain campaign in having the message discipline and rhetorical focus of a mutant fruitfly. The Obama campaign has been criticized several times over for not exhibiting rabid, gotcha, rhetorically juvenile blog-type responses. I have found it to be refreshing. This is not a free pass for Capt. O, just an observation.

Ze octopoose, or razère, ze hexopoose, een luvv

For those of you just joining us…

A few questions arose below from our beloved commenters, which may require clarification for newer additions to our stable of pork-bearing products. Here follows a brief primer on various local internet traditions and sacraments, which was in fact going to be entered as a comment, but then it occurred to me that I have been derelict in my duties, and this would fulfill my obligations until at least the start of curling season.

princessannie declares:

Friday is cat day. Thursday is half-naked day.

Our fact-checkers inform us that this is only half-correct. It is well-known among those versed in All Internet Traditions that Caturday is the Sabbath of LOLcats, also occasionally of tomfoolery and penitential hangovers.

Friday is for the revealing of secret raining chundermuffins, as a devotional act, but in these days of drought and global warming they grow infrequent. I suspect the Discovery Institute is behind this, but we have yet to secure funding to study the phenomenon.

Thursday is known as HNT, BUT rarely is this particular sacrament witnessed. Dark speculations among the faithful suggest that the Scarlet Vestments have been retired and new ones are in need of consecration. What this consecration may entail I leave to the imagination of our esteemed readership and their varied collection of opiates.

Wednesday and Tuesday are thus far devoid of specific internet traditions, but we expect Clif to rectify this immediately.

Monday, as we are all aware, hosts the occasional occurrence of Jonah Goldberg’s Theatre of the Absurd. Frequently it occurs on other days of the week. Your designated senior neophyte will help you to adjust to this.

Sunday is the day of rest, wherein no or little posting of import occurs. It could be argued that every day is Sunday. Every day is also a good day for grilling emus with a bit of Worcestershire sauce, or at least mocking them at every available turn. This is not negotiable, and will result in summary excommunication and rendition to the secret reeducation thread at Eschaton.

Any questions?

The LA Times is Aware of All Internet Tradish

Try this crystal Pepsi! Read this Jonah Goldberg column!

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I shaz you notn’t. They are fluffing the lolcat bubble. I expect a glowing 3B profile shortly.

Biblical origins of the pork snorkel

Numbers 10:18-20

Now the LORD will give you meat, and you will eat it. 19 You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, ten or twenty days, 20 but for a whole month—until it comes out of your nostrils…

Some scholars dispute, however, whether this can truly be called Biblical justification for the pork snorkel.

Continue reading ‘Biblical origins of the pork snorkel’

Today’s Howler

Read it. It isn’t the same thing over and over. It spells out how not to be a hack. It spells out what it means to have some sort of integrity and not argue like you are a 14 year old flaming your enemy on Usenet, or perhaps writing a column for the HuffPo, or just blathering to fill up airtime, or happy to be on TV. Do the work.

Full Assed Broadside on Jason Garfield

I wish it were from us. It is not. We’ve certainly honored the gigantic choad Jason G. of Juggling previously. I think I probably turned against him because he looks like Jeff Gannon. Anyhow, the Uncyclopedia takes a shot. Do they know who they’re dealing with?

Also, more people need to work on our community e-novel, Chapter One starts here. P-lo files a slice downthread, as does fishwagon.

French and Saunders

Whatever happened to Baby Dawn?

Astounding in its sheer quality. You need about 10 minutes for it. Dawn French reminds me of Orson Welles chewing scenery in Touch of Evil- she’s that good, and of course Jennifer Saunders is a genius as well.