Monthly Archive for December, 2008

The Malthusian Struggle

For Christmas murdered plant supremacy continues as ever. Faceless crocheted angel rebounds from the inside of Smokedog’s mouth with a busted halo and an even badder attitude this year, while Kermit bides his time in second place, only to disappear into a sad, lightless dungeon the other 50+ weeks a year. Crochet angel has a terrible power.

Hark, the herald angels sing! What is that a new factor on the scene? Perhaps a coup d’etat is in the offing! Snacktator is in third and he’s got his hand on the worldwide denunciation trigger!@#@21 Can he denounce and coup coup his way to the top?



I find the rabble have tainted my life. When I sing about the Baby J and I sing the words “holy infant so tender and mild” I think about Snag….


Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch Update

Still working on this year’s Pitchfork Top 100 songs list, we won’t be done until UC gets back from riding the giant tortoises anyway. What I was struck by while engaging the list was the fact that the increasing frequency and amplitude of waves of recycling and its ever more cynical and surfacey deployment clearly dominates the music scene. Now, I don’t expect this insight to be special, but spending much less time than I guess our readers here would imagine I do interacting with the music press and scene, I was momentarily shocked by the depth of the problem. In comparing this year’s list to just my memories of the last two years, I find we must be beginning the death spiral. In a way, it is the usual style/substance debate, but in this case, the “styles” are born from ever more impeccable and increased recycling. I certainly don’t have a problem with bands being derivative. The extent isn’t so much the issue as how much of a straight-jacket the style is, or how well the content fits the style and whether there is any content there at all. We are now entering the 100 Years of Solitude phase of musical existence (new is the new old).

I enjoy many styles and many retro-retoolings of those styles, but it is always important that the songs be present. not just the sounds. I wanted to share an interesting discussion at MBV. Also, how can we give Marc Hogan any props if his blog is invite only? We only half-truthfully/half-ironically picked on him before, but now he’s not even in the top 100 worst/most wanky P-fork writers. In fact, we’ve been catching him saying smart and interesting things. We called the police to report a musical wanker and they said the musical wanker was inside the house! And it was us, so we pay our respect to MH.

The key comment is here:

Marc: I’m in agreement with Scott 100% about the influences/reference points thing– whose style you borrow to express your content (and how many people actually listened to those bands in the first place) seems to be more important in the blogosphere than what that content is. And you can argue that in some cases the style is inseparable from the content, like the “medium is the message,” but in those cases, I feel like the style had better be distinctive (I’m sorry, no one sounds exactly like Deerhunter; for a band I like on a much less intense/personal level, no one sounded exactly like the Strokes, either, despite their tasteful reference points).

Organic versus synthesized. These themes come up throughout my take on the P-fork Top 100 list. On top of our usual grades of “meh” “ass” or “good” you’ll definitely see the theme developing in real time as I get more and more annoyed at the more and more plastic offerings I force myself to listen to.


More stuff on some related issues- The Dean (Robert Christgau), whom I think I have an eternal fatwa against because he crapped on the Shins first CD, or maybe liked someone terrible, but I love how he’s been linked to the entirety of Wikipedia. Hey it’s tough, this is why I like no one, no one likes me and we live in a world fraught with arms races based on music criticism based grudges, and also, Yelp exists. RC links this piece with two anonymous wanks talking about the life of the online critic. What I am always astounded by is critics that think they love music more than some random shmo because they choose to dedicate more of their lives to it. I wonder if they notice that in our electronic age, there exists an unbelievable amount of content and that regular ol’ dudes kind of have to fight to spend time with a few new albums rather than 15-20 a week. They don’t review for other people because those people don’t even exist to them, they review for themselves, hence the scientifically accurate term of wanker. To wit:

StumpyPete1975: my top ten of the year rarely includes anything I see anywhere else!
Windupbird: me too
StumpyPete1975: and I’m amazed that EVERYBODY seems to agree and says things like “it was a bad year for music”
StumpyPete1975: what a ludicrous statement
StumpyPete1975: so many records released
StumpyPete1975: I’m sure it wasn’t all crappy!
Windupbird: I think some people’s job is to capture the consensus. I pity those people. The consensus is usually awful.


More Sad Hits at the Top of The Pops

“If you liked it you shoulda put some zing on it”

-Miracle Whip


No computer not working. Moment of silence, cadets.

Danger Warning!

I though JMM was going to say one thing here and then another. Just goes to show how dangerous Met. A. Phor can be.

Astronomers can’t see black holes directly. They identify them by inferring their existence by their gravitational effect on nearby celestial bodies. And I’m similarly curious what’s the gravitational force that appears to have kept the SEC from giving Madoff a good hard look.

These are dangerous things and kids shouldn’t be playing with them. It is kind of like walking down the street and seeing a banana peel-these cause people to slip and fall, but not slipping because you trip on a crack instead.

Year in review

Dearest commenters, the time of year is upon us when we look back at the year that was, and what a year it’s been. As resident ombirdspersonmoose, I have requested and been granted authority to host our inaugural (and probably final) Commenter’s Year-end spectacular!

There will be prizes, maybe, so pay attention.
Continue reading ‘Year in review’

Requisite Pre-anticlimax Post Expectations Game Teaser Post

In order to simultaneously inflate and deflate expectations, I am having myself pushed out on stage to tinker ineptly, o reader, with that mythical psyche belonging to you, that is, the dearest oubliette of the datastream of your very own sensory apparatus, by informing you of the upcoming special offering by Three Bulls’s own ombirdspersonmoose. The omnivarious noises, smells, and dazed ungulates issuing from the 3B stu-stu-studio indicate this offering will no doubt be the omphalic touchstone that defines “half” (MOE 50%), “ass” and the conceivable conjugations thereof for the year to come. In furtherance of levels of anticipation that are self-cancelingly vertiginous, I leave you with this:
Continue reading ‘Requisite Pre-anticlimax Post Expectations Game Teaser Post’

The Internet is Filled With Wisdom

Following a link about motorik, I chance upon this truth:


did you feel bad when you fucked up isiah thomas’ eye?

? very quotatious (tehresa), Saturday, 13 December 2008 17:54 (Yesterday)

And the response:

Tehresa, I felt as bad about fucking up Isiah Thomas’ eye as he felt when he was a fucking asshole for his entire high school, college and pro career. He and Bill Laimbeer can go sit in the back of the short bus for all Karl Malone cares.

? Karl Malone, Saturday, 13 December 2008 17:59 (Yesterday)


More from the Mailman.

Prepare Yourself for the Preparationing

Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch is swinging into gear for 2008 year end cataclysm!

We can start with a little taste. Allow me to place this below the fold because the Lovecraftian hideousness will likely corrode your eyes, your mind, your mind’s eye etc. into unspeakable and silent screaming of unknowable ugliness and horror. From the 20 worst album covers of 2008:
Continue reading ‘Prepare Yourself for the Preparationing’