Monthly Archive for January, 2009

Exploding Fish Heads

From Think Pro’:

Sen. Ben Nelson (D-Neb.), who remains undecided about the bill, said he opposes money going to research projects at the National Institutes of Health and about $13 billion for Pell grants that help students pay for college. Nelson says the measures are worthy but do not belong in legislation designed to stimulate the economy.

Does Ben Nelson know what an “economy” is and what “stimulus” means?

I can’t say anymore with setting off the shrill-choking device. And urging Nebraska to be wiped from the pages of history.

Congressional GOP backs spirochaete lobby

In a clear victory for the SpiroStreet Project lobbying effort, Republican members of Congress staged a mass faint-in on the floor of Congress when they discovered that Democrats had included STD prevention funding in the bill for the stimulus package.

plush spirochaete

Several sofas decorated with a design of helices, rods, and blobs were carried onto the floor of the House of Representatives, and GOP House members took turns fainting on them. Meanwhile their colleagues holding the floor displayed lysentious pictures of the effect of antibiotics on spirochaetes.

“It’s typical of the Democrat party to engage in irresponsible spending on public health issues. Everyone knows that abstinence is free. Also, if we remove the Democrat sponsored constraints on the market, microbes will see that it is in their self-interest not to disrupt the economy by infecting people and will regulate themselves,” said a GOP spokesman who chose to remain anonymous as he was spotted taking antibiotics before the interview.

Treponema Pallidum, a lobbyist with the SpiroStreet Project said: “It’s taken a while, but in this new political environment, there’s finally a political party that’s a suitable vector for our message. Public health spending in the past few decades has been destroying opportunity in our community. Now that our message is getting out, perhaps hardworking American microbes will finally have a chance again.”

In which plover falls prey to the temptation to shoot fish in a barrel — not that fish

I happened to hear the following on C-SPAN yesterday. It is from a special orders speech by Trent Franks (R-AR).

Today has been sort of a remembrance of heroes. We’ve talked a lot about George Bush, we’ve talked a lot about Abraham Lincoln. In a sense, it is so appropriate to do that on January 22, isn’t it? Because we are reminded that, just as America was used after 6,000 years of rampant slavery in the world, we were the ones that had a moral conflict with it. And yes, we had a little disagreement called the Civil War over it, but we were used of God to change this tragedy of slavery, and now it is at least discredited all over the planet. And I believe that this country will be the country that will lead the world to discredit this tragic practice of killing our children before they’re born.

My first reaction was “Why haven’t I heard of this guy before? I mean, that’s some industrial grade dumbth. That’s like Steve King level stupid.”

Continue reading ‘In which plover falls prey to the temptation to shoot fish in a barrel — not that fish’

In a bear market, it’s still a bull’s world

We have met the enemy, and it is delicious.

—Citrus Lover (attributed)

My fellow effluvians,

We gather on this auspicious occasion to bear witness to history, to mark the dawning of a new age. Many words have been written on the subject already, and I will not repeat them here, but there is work yet to be done.

Some analysts have suggested we are living in a period of Peak Wingnut, or that it will come soon. This is cause for some concern, as The New Left’s reserves of snark cannot be allowed to run down. Much depends on this, as recent increases in cynicism have shown.

(The world’s only source of Fafblog, we are happy to report, has resumed production)

Some may suggest that we have become too dependent on these interests, that eventually we will run out of that which sustains us, and that Peak Wingnut is only a symptom of a larger problem. These people could not be more wrong. What they fail to realize is that Wingnut is a renewable resource, found in the darkest, most inhospitable depths of the ecosystem, waiting for a tiny morsel of gossip, speculation, or outright fabrication to begin to grow.

As we know, they thrive on attention, but Wingnut must be nurtured for its flower to bloom. Granted, it is a flower whose thorns drip bilious venom, but we have made many advances in the refinement process and are confident that casualties can now be brought down to almost nothing.

So, in a spirit of conservation and cultivation, we ask that you be on the lookout for possible outbreaks, and to respond accordingly. Much depends on you all, but we will stand together in this time of trial, and stand tall.

Thank you for listening.


Do I Have to Trick You

Into reading this?

Or this?

No, seriously.


Posted by Steve Clemons Jan 21, 10:45PM – Link
Folks — Mr. Somerby had a good time with me today. He is a clever and passionate writer, and I admire his blog on a lot of levels.

But he’s using me as a prop in his campaign against Dowd. I like her — I have been transparent about that. I also enjoy using DC’s cocktail circuit as a way to learn what is going on in Washington and as a way to push my policy work — much of which deals with issues that are often totally ignored by this town. Any regular reader of this blog knows that.

But as I said previously, I like Dowd — not everything she does or writes of course. I have very little interest in what she wrote about Gore. At the time of the Gore-Bush contest, I found Gore a very poor candidate, self indulgent, imperious, and very uninspiring. He’s changed since then — but that is the way I felt then and Maureen Dowd had nothing to do with my views.

I’m not going to fight Mr. Somerby — he’s making his point using me as a prop, and I imagine if we were having drinks together — he’d be civil and we’d have a great discussion. But it is good to remember that I am essentially not his target. Dowd is — and that’s his fight. Not mine.

I enjoyed her party — and put it out there. I learned lots of great stuff there. I enjoyed the stories. If he thinks that is “kissing ass” — well, all I have to say is that I have kissed ass lots better and more flamboyantly in other cases.

But I’m not interested in the debate about Dowd. Not my thing. I’d go to her place again in a second and I put that out there — transparently. Ridiculing me as Mr. Somberby has done feels uncivil at some level, but I am not too disturbed by it.

On the scribbling comment, I’m surprised by the tone of his posts that he himself is so thin-skinned. For the record, I call my own writing and blogging “scribbling.” I use the word all of the time and meant him no disrespect.

all the best — Steve Clemons

Whatever problems Gore had or was perceived to have, I suggest (The Oily) Mr. Clemons cannot fathom that his deeply intelligent views could have been shaped by conventional wisdom. This is why we will always and forever be screwed. The incredible narcissism apparent in this crowd doesn’t ever astonish, it only saddens. Clemons wasn’t wrong about Gore. Gore changed. The world turns, the Village stands still.

Congratulations, America

It took you 8 years, but you finally pooped that sock. What do you want, a cookie? Get over yourself and keep the heat on- we still got Chundermuffins, Inc. gumming up the Senate.

Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 2008- Top Tracks 40-21 SUCKAS!

100-81 here.

80-61 here.

60-41 here.

Listen along here.

Pitchfork writers’ individual lists are here. You can do the 2007 holiday bake-off math that gets you two mentions of Rihanna song “Don’t Stop the Music” (at 15 and 17 on respective lists) charts it in the big list while two mentions of “Disturbia” (at 3 and 5 on different lists) gets you bupkis. Anyhoo. AWAY WE GO!

40: T.I. [ft. Rihanna] “Live Your Life”
Epic Producer Love P-Wank subconciously using Rihanna like a human brella brella brella. The autotune is unbelievably annoying, but is made for Rihanna’s voice as an electro-instrument. I don’t love T.I.’s flow, but the sentiment is cool, and R just owns it. The hook just crushes, but T.I. knows it and contrarily it beefs up his verses. Is there any reason for me to be talking about this? I bought a designer cupcake to this song for $3.50. I suspect the vultures of karma will soon be devouring my eyeballs. A demonstration that easy-bake-instant every possible aspect of songmaking can add up to more than just-add-water.

UC’s take: Rihanna = awesome. T.I. = not awesome. Autotune = annoying. Aw crap, just refer to Pinko’s review as above. He NAILZ this track. I do like it, much to my annoyance, but I don’t think I could handle a high dose of this.
Continue reading ‘Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 2008- Top Tracks 40-21 SUCKAS!’

The Real Democratic Agenda

Markos, who may have been infected with something during a visit to the offices of The New Republic, has, in a six word post, revealed the real agenda behind the Mo’ Betta Democrats push of the netroots. The post is entitled War and reads:

Today, the war against birdofascism begins.

The comments are as bloodthirsty as one might expect, Democrats orange in tooth and claw. Obviously these are people for whom even being a hawk isn’t good enough — they want to conquer both the doves and the hawks, and the pelicans and whippoorwills to boot.

How long before Obama says that countries that have bird sanctuaries are equivalent to those that directly sponsor acts of birdiness?

Mammals of conscience should consider donating some fur to BOFFFo (Bring Out Fur For Fowl), who will be setting up centers to provide birds with alternate identities that may afford them the chance of being able to move about more easily in the months and years ahead. Bats who are willing to teach birds to hang upside-down and fly funny or who can help in the development of echolocation prostheses are also needed.

We have already received word that several groups of collaborationist flightless birds will be given roles as (ka)kapos by the incoming administration — the usual imperial strategy of giving power to a minority in an oppressed population to rule over the rest.

These are the last days before the machinery of oppression begins to close in. We must use our freedom while we still can. We hope those that stand with us against this existential threat will show their solidarity, joining together for mass acts of public birdiness in the days and weeks to come.

Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 2008-Top Tracks 60-41

100-81 here.

80-61 here.

Moses wandering the desert below.

60: Crystal Castles “Courtship Dating”
Electrosquirt. This year’s dominant trend. Glarb sprong sork ner gloob. Sushi thinks it’s meh.

UC’s take: Oooh, I can make this music as well. All I do is take a Scissors Sisters song, and corrupt it with bad 1s and 0s. Sigh. This is so terrible. It is worse than musically composing flatulence. As an aside, I miss Sushi. I really do.

59: The Dodos “Fools”
A pleasant rhythmic indie world strum Animal Collective/Yeasayer jaunt. Good.

UC’s take: Not world music since I like it. The beat and instruments are good. I think it is a little repetitive in the not so good way, but it’s fun to listen to. Probably don’t want to hear a second time, though.

Continue reading ‘Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 2008-Top Tracks 60-41’

Obviously the CCA is not doing its job

As is well known, at least on this website, the job of the Canadian Curling Association is cobaggery, or more specifically, attempting to raise the level of cobaggery in Canadadia to the point where that country will be associated in people’s minds with cobaggery. At the moment, they appear to be failing miserably, as Canadadians (at least female Jewish Canadadians) appear to be engaging in flagrant acts of noncobaggery, uncobaggery, and possibly even anticobaggery. (The protesters were arrested by da Mounties and then released.)

Meanwhile, here, south of the border, where moose fear to tread due to the possibility of having to deal with the health “care” “system”, we have, um, Thomas Friedman. It seems necessary to blame the CCA for this, too. If they had it together and were really getting their cobag on up in Canadaland, they might even be able to attract one T. Friedman away from the U.S. Not that I would wish Friedman on Canada, though if the CCA were living up to its 3B reputation, it might.

Also, engaging in gratuitous cobaggerylessness are over 500 residents of Sderot. I haven’t figured out how to blame the CCA for this yet, though I suppose I could blame AIPAC for not having convinced as many actual Israelis as they have U.S. congresscritters that there is something wrong with saying sensible things about peace.