Monthly Archive for December, 2009

fish vs shorebird, sort of: Use and abuse of narrative

A week ago, fish posted an excerpt from an SEK LGM post lambasting the film Avatar for having a racist narrative logic, along with a critique of SEK’s argument. The burden of fish’s argument, being of a sort to cause strange colors in shorebirds, led to an exchange of comments (which starts here) and eventually to the slab o’ text making up the main part of this post.

[In 3D where available]

Continue reading ‘fish vs shorebird, sort of: Use and abuse of narrative’


Ombudsmen are never too neutral to get into the festive spirit!  For this reason, COBA has issued a book of properly neutral – carols for the – holiday season: so that ombudsmen everywhere can engage in muted celebration of this festive occasion without compromising their unbiased roles in society.  Here are a couple of sample carols:


Merry -!

Twas the night before Crispmøøse

Twas the night before Crispmøøse
and all through the høøse
not a creature was stirring
not even a Goobie

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that St. Snag soon would be there

The rashers were nestled all snug in the packs
While visions of snorkels porked in their heads
And Geenie in her kerchief, and I in my trackies
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap

When out in the sink there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash
Torpedoed sink lettuce and tossed in the trash

The melon of ghost, a pale orange glow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a miniature sleigh and 8 tiny møøses

With a brittle old driver, quick with a “cobag!”
I knew in a moment that it must be St. Snag
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came
And he swore and he shouted and cursed them by name
“Now Boubon, now Whiskey, now Entrails, now Poutine,
Now Rump Roast, now Tire Iron, now Scotch, now Gin!

If we were to continue there would be too much ass and not enough time to wish all a peaceful night. Merry Crispmøøse to all the Goobies of all ages!


The sounds evident from the far off darkest depths of the Goobiepants indicates Goobie may be concocting a “7 graf review of Rihanna’s new joint” or perhaps “cutting an Orrin Hatch CD.”

Words are Too Cheap

People that are pundits for a living are likely to be asshats, even if they seem like likable 20-something pattable heads.

I thought some of the gang would appreciate this bit from Glennzilla on Ezra Powdered Sugar Klein:

While reading various articles to write this, I came across this amazingly revealing post from Ezra Klein, written on June 8, 2009, about the public option:

Most observers now think that some form of public plan will survive in the final bill. The question is what form of [public] plan? . . . . For most of you, this is the big one. The inclusion of a strong public insurance option has become, for most observers I know, the single most recognizable marker for victory. If the public plan exists, liberals have won. If it’s eliminated, or neutered, then conservatives have triumphed.

Back in June — when most people, according to Klein, believed the final bill would have a public option — the progressive consensus was that the existence of the public option would single-handedly determine whether progressives won or lost (Klein himself wasn’t necessarily adopting that view, only saying that “most of you” have done so). Yet now that the bill will have not merely a “neutered” public option, but no public option at all, the exact opposite decree is issued by the progressive establishment: this public-option-free health care bill is the single greatest achievement since LBJ or, perhaps, even FDR, rendering all progressive opposition to it immoral and insane (see here for a perfect example of this shift). What accounts for that reversal?

Glenn is using the rhetorically cobaggishness of Klein to one up him on the rhetorical leverage gambit. There is the desire for everyone to call bluffs, because most liberal foes of the HCR bill I think would be on the side of getting something better instead. This ignores the inherent asymmetry of the situation. It is easier to destroy than to create. Without the ability to get something better with the coalition you have, one side will always have more leverage, and that is the side of the bad guys. So what are we gonna do without that leverage? Pretend we have it, or move forward and keep fighting?

Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 2009 Numbers 80-61

Being filled with an infinite amount of love and beauty due to the arrival of Goobie has very much changed my outlook on the Pitchfork Top 100. I am brimming with optimism and collegiality. You might say that. Or you might say I’ve become more protective of Goobie’s environment with a growing desire to protect her from the bad things in this world.

Pitchfork listo here. Our previous 100-81 here.

And away we go!

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Goobie and I have been working on the Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 1)For us to poop on. Therefore I will provide this:

Even Goobies need to maximize product placement revenue. We’ve sold out for tater tots and orange cream slushes.

But also some parent web-logging for those unaware at how sinister and dangerous the world can be for Goobies. Just as Goobies represent all that is good, there is a dark side that represents eyeless, swallowing, mindless evil. We must be vigilant against such forces. To wit, documented just now in Goobie’s inner sanctum!


Sink Lettuce! 2)is coming from inside the room!!!!

References   [ + ]

1. For us to poop on
2. is coming from inside the room!!!!

Goobie Smalltime Beef Mcgriddles Legume sans Muffin de Chunder

Futurepants Autopost McGoo

Right about…now?

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.



2:14 pm, 7 lbs 8 oz, baby girl, web log name but not real one yet, will be slammed for pseudonymous commenting!

Added by plover:

Did I hear someone say “I love it when a plan comes together”?

Fridge Note

Impending new baby- very, very much feel like it will be this week, possibly Friday. Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch and Ombudsmanry in posts below, Seitz gives Pitchfork a loaded gun at Song of the Day, and GC stabs me in the back at Celebrity Dream Cameo, featuring real life celebrity readers of this web log.

Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 2009 Numbers 100-81

Sadly, we couldn’t hit the brakes on our cultural dinosaur/annual tradition of talking about the Pitchfork year end track list. We’ve been pre-empted by some good stuff over at Marathon Rocks twazzle feed. We excerpt:

“Look what’s bubbled up from mommy’s basement: another collection of pretentious list-twaddle coughed up between Annie Clark wank-sessions.”
about 5 hours ago from web

“Guess the Ditchspork hipsters have taken off their cardigans and horn-rims long enough to spin the UGH SO OBVIOUS (R&B/rap/pop) stuff”
about 5 hours ago from web

“Oh, so it appears that Pitchfork loves ___________ now, despite egregiously ignoring their superior existence from 200_ to 200_.”
about 6 hours ago from web

“What? Only _____ entries from __________? Someone didn’t get the ________ Records envelope, left in the _______ bus station locker.” #ex.1
about 6 hours ago from web

I admit we’re being predictable and well thumbed [Ed. note- like a CERTAIN SOMEBODY’S THESAURUS?? Ed’s Ed. STOP. JUST STOP]. I have to say that comment is like joining our life already in progress. I didn’t even get the Animal Collective last year until it was released on eMusic, I still like The Shins, and half the lifestyle questions on the Pitchfork readers’ poll were N/A. This is a runaway train of predictable bile, hurtful words and reader feedback. But, when someone pre-emptively pre-empts us we really have to raise the stakes. In addition to our list below I encourage our local Trollypants to join in on either side in comments. Remember, you have to top this. Comments, for those who are unaware is where simply anyone, and we mean anyone can perhaps have their voices be heard, or for Mitchum, not literally a voice and more accurately read, it is almost as if feedback enfranchises the audience. I don’t know, they have them at Stereogum and people just make mean jokes are argue about music, so we’ll try ’em. Before we get to our list, I’ll make fun of us:

Pre-emptive PP: Page 1: You walk into a dimly lit cafe named “White label dance track remix”. You are supposed to meet someone there who can tell you more about the legend behind the castle. Do you take a seat at the bar so that you might be seen by your contact or walk over to a table in the corner and sit with your back to the wall to keep an eye on the whole place? If you sit at the bar, turn to page 27. If you sit in the corner, turn to page 43. If you labour, while eating poutine on a colourful Chesterfield, in you toque, turn to page 54.

Page 27. Pinko Punko finds this track boring. You consume a poisonous drink and this is the end of your quest.

Page 43. Pinko Punko finds this track inoffensive, but the writing to be juvenile and forced. You are felled by a dart from a blow gun.

Page 54. UC thinks this track sucks ass.

This edition of P-fork Cobaggery watch is dedicated to Nate Patrin, who gets a funny nickname because we pre-trolled him- welcome to the club, Nate Patrollypantsin. I’ll note that Nate went from suck to grudgingly respected with this. We are VERY familiar with Last-Wordism here at 3B.

Tracks 100-81 Read and Weep

Editor’s Note: This year the songs are more marginal and less suck than last year, but the prose seems exaggerated and incongruent with the tracks- so much so that some of the bands I don’t necessarily feel like being mean about. That leaves two people in the room. Me, and the Fork.
Continue reading ‘Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 2009 Numbers 100-81’