Von, of all people, asks at ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©’s place:
How does one enroll in OmbusAcademY?
is there like a test or something?
Indeed there is! Enrolment in the 3Bulls! Academy of Ombudsmeese involves an intensive selection process, rigorous written examinations, a near-pathological dislike of Pitchfork, and a studied disregard for the gripes of our dear, dear readership. It is not an easy undertaking. The interview process alone (known as the Trials of Umbrage) can break down even the most YouTube-hardened commenter.
The written portion requires an extensive knowledge of condiments and BUBBLE TEA, as well as a demonstrated familiarity with the only occasionally sensical vocabulary of this blog.
Once the applicant has passed the selection process and the Antlers of Incomprehensibility have been bestowed, training begins. Novitiates are required to modify their diet in order to develop an immunity to Ghost Melon, Grapefruit Chupacabra and other genus Citrullus entities. There is also limited exposure the RedState, WorldNetDaily, and other toxic substances, in order to better condition trainees for the rigors ahead. If overexposure occurs (and it is always a risk), a healthy dose of Somerby is administered immediately, followed by a decompression period at Sadly, No!
When the trainee has toiled to the satisfaction of the editorship, the secretive Rite of the Pork Snorkel takes place. This cannot be discussed openly. Only qualified students may learn of, and attempt to survive, its delicious mysteries.
Finally, once the smoke has cleared and all the barbecue sauce has been scoured from the ceiling, survivors are given a lengthy login name, an amusing password, and set loose on an unsuspecting public.
The rest, as they say, is history.