Monthly Archive for March, 2010

A Tarantino Film Begging to be Made

An Inglourious Basterds style revenge flick where our protagonists set their deserving sights on Pedophile, Inc. Yes, Andrew Sullivan, the Roman Catholic Church. A church that “should know better.” Cinematic violence and gore filling the gaping maws of our disgust and thirst for justice. Cue Bill Donohue’s head for the explosion line. What a horrible thought. How could anyone?

Film it, chundernoggins.


Sinéad O’Connor – WAR – SNLFor more of the funniest videos, click here

Update: A ray of sanity on Hiatt’s Op-Ed page. O’Connor covers the latest.

Assorted

Billmon in very good form here. While he coins an excellent phrase for the projection related attacks designed to sow the seeds of equivalence and therefore two sides to every coin bullshit that easily dominates every thread of debate in our recent times.

I had the slightest inkling that we may have been a slightly earlier originator of a modern political Spock with a beard philosophy. We weren’t by about 6 months. But the fact that the linked post here was from 2005 sobers us.

To this I can only say, sighing tiredly, release the kraken, onto ourselves.

Aside: OMG!## Kathleen, @BLAH BLAH RT: The Guild something or other!!

Prepared remarks

It is our duty to address the state of the blog, given recent developments in health care reform, such as the fact that it’s even happening in America. Welcome to the latter half of the 20th century.

The blog’s excellent benefits plan will continue unimpeded, although a slightly higher deductible will apply to the Claimed Bourbon Allowance, as outlined in section OMG (WTF), subsection eleventy!!!1! This is not to be confused with subsection eleventy!!1!! which is solely concerned with maintaining non-lethal levels of cuteness when posting pictures of Goobie.

Emu egg sales are expected to increase sharply, which should offset any higher premiums, and along with pork snorkel futures averaged net profits are projected to maintain their steady growth of 0%. Construction of the llama topiary will continue, however, as NEA grants do not count as part of the operating budget, and is expected to begin turning a profit upon completion next year.

Unfortunately, we are still in the midst of an economic downturn, and so a few sacrifices will have to be made, most notably that the life-size tribute to Støørn is immediately suspended pending a better price on blue Skittles. In addition, the budget for this year’s Moose Curling Tournament and Staff Retreat has been slashed to virtually nothing, owing to continued payment of damages incurred during last year’s retreat.

Also, to maintain an adequate level of confusion, the next contest to be announced is cancelled.

Any other business?

Austiniana

Geenie C. quote of the day:

“You know if it weren’t for all the numbnuts, Cloverhill Big Texas Honeybun wouldn’t be that bad.”

PP thought to himself of the day:

“I bet those hipster parents try to dress their babies in skinny jeans. Heh. I’d like to see that.”

Goobie Editorial Comment concerning politics of Whole Foods libertarian knob founder:

Not so silent pooping in the soda aisle.

Alex Chilton

This one hurts for some reason. Rest in peace. Something about the outro of “The Letter” with the strings and the jet plane gets me every time. That and pretty much all of Big Star’s first two albums.

Modern Family Gay Icon Pet Contest

The show already got us started:

  • Shel Turtlestein
  • Fliesaminnelli
  • Zsa Zsa Gaboa

Here are my entries:

Chare
Barbarangutan Streisand
Gerbil Garland
Lance Bassett Hound
Tabby Fae Bakker
Kylie Minnow

Eye roll

Not Free Enough

Any takers?

We have been lax

as usual, regarding our sacred duties to the Exalted Commentariat. The reasons for this are manifold, mostly to do with multiple bouts of intoxication in at least three countries that we can remember. Luxembourg may have been involved, but that evening is particularly hazy in our memory. Let us begin:

1) Regarding the above, ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© addresses the perennial complaint on this blog. To wit:

If only there were some sort of entity that could address the concerns of this weblog’s readers…

An investigation into the hiring practices of in-house contractor 3Bulls! Ambassadorial Services, Incorporated is currently under way. We expect full exoneration.

(Readers will note that this is a sure-fire way to get the Ombuds to post. Be merciful)

We should also add that the above-linked thread is reaching Atriotic levels of insanity. We are currently pondering some kind of prize or award for the thousandth (or other arbitrary) comment, but fear that arguments over such a contest and its attending prizes would easily outnumber the existing entries.

2) UC is in particularly fine form in the latest Pitchfork Listomania installment. A representative sample:

Putting the song through my mass spectrometer, I can see that compositionally it is only barely different than The Microphones pt. 4.1341. I call shenanigans. David Bevan thinks this song is so clever for avoiding a hook. I say that if you are baking a chocolate dessert and forget cocoa, one deserves only admonishment and not some praise for making an alternate kind of dessert.

UC: spooning the carob of malice into your music-blogging rumballs since 2005.

3) plover, in the continuing landmark case Fish v. Shorebird, includes in opening arguments:

The sheepish look on a particular shorebird at, with this post, disturbing the tranquillity of those who thought this particular brouhaha had subsided a month ago caused one of our editors to suggest filing it under “fish vs ovine”, but said editor was, to easily imaginable effect, threatened with being locked in the room with the ombudscrew.

This is, obviously, blatant anti-ombuds bias. The most we would ever inflict is a generous measure of bourbon, and perhaps some brochettes. On behalf of our colleagues, particularly the ombudsovine, we demand an immediate retraction.

Any other business?