Monthly Archive for April, 2010

Noted

Pseeeuw Pseeeeuw Lasers Pseeuw Light Show Pseeeuw!

I blame fish

There have been multiple complaints regarding this blog and the propensity for extensive arguments. The Ombuds collective acknowledges that arguments must be avoided at all costs as they have a tendency to make David Broder uncomfortable. It has also been noted that these arguments are taking place without the proper safety training as required by Article E, Section M, Subheading U. So before we continue, it is required that you all view this argument training video:

Fish stole the video. Let us proceed then. A rigorous statistical analysis of the argument phenomenon that is occurring in the greater 3Bulls(!) blogosphere revealed only one  common causative modality with a P Value reaching significance (p=0.0): fish. Yes, it appears fish is a major root cause of argumentation. I am afraid that an intervention is required.

There is a problem however. How does one actually intervene with a chronic arguer? The first step is to recognize the signs of the arguing addict to be sure the diagnosis is correct:

1) Does the individual head into the bathroom carrying a copy of Debaters Weekly and mumbling something about becoming a “Master”?

2) Do you have to put parental controls on the TV to block The McLaughlin Group?

3) Must you never say the words “designated hitter” out loud in his or her presence?

4) Have you heard enough about salt already?

Given criteria such as those above, it is clear to the Ombuds that fish has a serious problem and runs the risk of making David Broder cry if he does not get the help that he needs.

This Ombud has a few recommended actions:

1) pick up apparatus; use apparatus, play video of Kennedy/Nixon debate while playing Rush at full volume.

2) mark fish’s IP as spam and then initiate an argument between Mandos and Plover on the post-modern theory as applied to the inherent sexism of Linux use in the movie Avatar.

3) Read Matt Yglesias’ justification for the Iraq War out loud and apply strong electroshock every time he audibly snorts.

4) Cancel his subscriptions to Z Magazine and the Utne Reader. Force him to subscribe to and read TNR, Slate, and The Nation. Refuse to discuss or consider any points of view other than David Corn’s.

5) Any time he brings up Chomsky, say that “Jonah Goldberg really has a more interesting take on this topic”.

6) Agree with everything he says. (this may be an unworkable solution)

I am sure with aggressive treatment, we can get fish to allow someone else to speak once in a while. If he continues on his current path, he is in danger of using up all the letters on the internets. Let’s get him re-socialized and ready to become a productive member of society again. Won’t you help fish instead of cursing him?

(64)

What next, iPad?

Apple reaches their endumbening to the UK for a Special Edition of Scrabble, with proper nouns allowed. I presume the rabble could go to TOWN with the Welsh language edition. I’d like to put an Easy button on Steve Jobs face so I could punch it, but he’d probably want that and charge me 99 cents, booking 33 cents profit. Sly bastard.

UPDATE

How does this have anything to do with Apple? How does it have anything NOT to do with Apple is the better question. Apple is also responsible for the unlimited steps allowed on a fast break rule, and Thierry Henry handballs. Sorry, Irish.

Announcepants

I know nobody would believe me today if I made the joke that we were getting picked up to occasionally write for Slate or perhaps bring the gang over to FDL and be hosted there (what a GREAT match that would be). So I am sorry to pick today as the day for announcepantsing something many of you will find hard to believe. If things go well in negotiations today, we will have a new cob logger here, one whose initials you are all familiar with. No, not Chuckles, he didn’t make the cut, although we appreciated his interest.

_ _.

All caps, people, all caps. I didn’t really believe it myself, but we looked at our diminished ability to provide content so it was an unforeseen match. Sure, we might come to internet blows once in awhile, but the readers like to see sparks, so that is what we will provide.

Enjoy the ride, chundermuffins~


UPDATE

I should have written “Enjoy the rain, chundermuffins.” Anyhow, everything fell through. A detente was not reached with the party of note. The troubled water was too big to bridge. We shall not be expanding our community. I’m so sorry to disappoint everyone.