Monthly Archive for July, 2010

A mounting menace

First, we must bring you sad news: Theo Albrecht, the co-founder of Trader Joe’s, has passed away. We suspect Pinko will be pouring out a handful of Marcona Almonds with Rosemary and Sea Salt, and scarfing the rest.

Second and more in keeping with the actual responsibilities conferred upon this writer (along with “not ever posting”): the sudden increase in spam, even in the Sacred Goobie Thread. Have these machines no shame?

In all fairness, however, the commenter responses have been top-notch.

Drastic measures have not yet been called for, as the outbreak may not be as bad as it appears, but we have devised a response nonetheless, which we humbly offer to the 3Bulls! Working Committee on Not doing Anything:

We recommend the instatement of PupH as comment eater. Other nominations are welcome, of course, and we look forward to a respectful and spirited debate on the matter. And more spam.

There is no other business.


How could it fail to bring us this?

Fixing the Internets

With apologies to Sadly, No Investor Services.

Matt Yglesias writes a post titled “The Kind of Liberal I’m Not” and we think he has the wrong title.

We propose, and Photoshop this in your minds, or ask BP to do it for you:

“The Kind of Not a Liberal I Am”



I don’t mean to pick on “Pitchfork’s” Philip Sherburne, but sometimes his reviews are collossally wankapottamus. I simply have to laugh at the sick joke his eMusic bio is:


San Francisco critic Philip Sherburne has been heavily involved in the electronic-music world for the past seven years, writing for publications including the Village Voice, Slate, XLR8R, URB, Wax Poetics, Grooves, Nylon, RES, and many others — including The Wire, where his “Critical Beats” column offers a monthly roundup of experimental dance music. Philip has also written on sound art and avant-garde practice for Frieze and Parkett, curated the companion CD for Leonardo Music Journal’s 2003 issue, and given talks at SFMOMA, PS1, Tate Modern and the MUTEK festival. A book chapter on classical minimalism and minimal techno is forthcoming in Christoph Cox and Daniel Warner’s Audio Culture: Readings in Modern Music (Continuum Press). As a DJ, Philip holds regular nights in San Francisco, and has performed in New York, Austin, Portland, Seattle, Montreal and Barcelona.

Any particular website missing?

I don’t think you get to drop the turds you do in the ‘fork while simultaneously distancing yourself from their brand, Sherburne. You are their brand. Don’t write for them if you don’t want to admit it. I don’t pile on the ‘fork for their obnoxious scenesterism, nor the fact that it is of course the cool thing to do for scenesters to act hipper-than-thou than the-hipper-than-thous (like Pitchfork’s very own writers), because once somebody talks about the cool thing on the broader internet, it instantly becomes passé. I crap on them because of their tremendous disdain for their audience. Never wanting to appear to pitch it to the masses, they pitch it to the masses while keeping the masses at arms length with novelty seeking and a complete lack of self-awareness.

I can’t wait to meet 90 year old Nate Patrin- “yeah, I wrote one or two reviews for some site, I can’t remember what it was called. It wasn’t even blow money.”

UPDATE: Phil S. writes in comments that this bio is an artifact, hence the neumu ref and no Pitchfork. Up with the Fork! PS does not diss.

New Markets

This could be the Crystal Pepsi of Battle Rap, trying to break into the cricket market:

You bring the bat to me
you lose your openers before tea

My leg break have you in mysterious jinx
You be in serious sh*t by drinks

You can’t handle my fight
You be begging for bad light

You think you have a total to build upon?
Before you know I be enforcing the follow on

Before you can tell me to stick it
You’ll be stuck leg before wicket

Happy Birthday to Pinko Punko from Pitchfork

Dear Mr. Punko,

Despite the years of abuse we at Pitchfork have suffered at the hands of yourself and Monsieur Canadian, we still retain a fondness for your blog and the good work done over the years.  It takes a truly half-assed blog to make us look like we know what we’re doing.  Also, thanks for the traffic.  As a token of our appreciation and in celebration of your birthday, we at the P-fork team have been conducting our own research projects to give back to the greater bullsian community.  Attached please find our most recent manuscript, published in our flagship Pitchfork Press journal, Cobag Cell, which we think you will find tremendously interesting.  Although we still hate you very much, we want you to know how much better we are than you.

Sincerely yours,

The staff at Pitchfork


I swear

I never knew who played this, but this song is just so unbelievably Oakland. How can these people be Scottish? I only think of Oaktown when I hear this. Also, what a great logo. ONTO THE JEAN JACKET


Endless love for the ‘tubers:

Kenny G playing the above

Highest Rated Comments

2 months ago 3
his tenor sound is? kind of bad.
TheFlightsimfan 2 months ago 3
7 months ago 3
is it? just me or did he rip off all of sanborns licks from the recording they did together of this song?
getyourbreckerismson 7 months ago 3

see all
All Comments (18)

4 days ago
@TheFlightsimfan You are right. He always? sounds the same. Always using the long tones and the circular breathing thing.Big deal…
coolsax64 4 days ago
6 days ago
Forget Kenny G? that trumpet player was awesome!!!
Vapor419 6 days ago
1 week ago
nice version , I like it? a lot !
Fili2009able 1 week ago
1 week ago
They ruined the? song..
L33R0YJ3NKlN5 1 week ago
1 week ago
Leave it to Kenny G? to fuck up a great song.
Sarc37 1 week ago
2 weeks ago
Comment removed
2 weeks ago
@getyourbreckerismson If he did then good for him, sax players learn from each other. Realistically it;s? just the vocabulary, Kenny sounds great but it’s all in the standard sax catalog.
acglass 2 weeks ago
3 weeks ago
Kenny G can you be any? whiter?
madbonjovifan 3 weeks ago
2 months ago
Superb…5 Stars!?
MCGEHEE1 2 months ago
2 months ago
LINDO LINDO LINDO XD! ^_^ Beijos doce? em seu coração!

Thunderwagon Style Photo Post

Rock down to, etc.

Only car hop beer service in AR

It is Mr. Weenie Time. Snag is jealous, the shirt is mine

Stimmelators. Please enjoy the Comic Sans based website


Oh fish

My goodness.

Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 2009 Numbers 20-1

I don’t know if you can handle this. We’re going to sneak the sh*t up on Mitchum’s Twitter. Ian Cohen will be blindsided. Breihan will be speechless. Nate Patrin will look like Team Jacob (wtf?)- sad. Sherburne, better left unmentioned, before he works in LeBron James’ imminent decision into a review of a Boris/Chundernozzle split white label 12 inch.

Pitchfork listo here. Our previous 100-81 here. 80-61 here. 60-41 here. 40-21 here. Somebody should graph our output over the year. Diminishing returns? I think not. UC delivers! Suck it, All Music Guide!

20. Japandroids “Young Hearts Spark Fire”
PP says: The murky production here leaves me cold. If this song were just this side of the line, say Titus Andronicus I would be fine. If you play the lo-fi game of a certain level of retro stylings you have an equal chance of me loving you track or feeling like the heart is belied by a certain cynicisim or is an academic creation. I need to put on a sweater.

UC adds: Music only a 17-year old could love. Is this the new face of emo? Didn’t I warn you all that this would happen? Blech. I can’t find a single redeeming thing about this track – certainly not the production, singing, lyrics, or instrumental ability. Truly battle of the bands material only. [PP adds: Mendacious D is crestfallen]
Continue reading ‘Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 2009 Numbers 20-1’