Monthly Archive for September, 2011

COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY ESTABLISHED

The Central Ombudsman’s Board of Accession (COBA), announced that after having received a rasher of complaints from the community on matters pertaining to Ombudsmen at Three Bulls Blog, it would establish a full committee of inquiry into the matter. This committee will meat and discuss the issues involved and return a report to COBA’s network of executive committees for further action on the matter.

“Today, we take another step in making Ombudsman review processes more fair, transparent, and responsive to the needs of community steakholders,” said O. Glomboly, spokesbudsman for COBA. “No holds barred. This is, once again, the fire starter of a new day for Ombudsmanry. We’ll be looking at some of the issues that the community has been having with Three Bulls Blog and its ‘network’.”

COBA has been smoked with complaints pertaining to Ombudsman matters at Three Bulls Blog. This new committee will be comprised of balanced and neutral representation. Already, some members have been appointed and are arriving for planning meetings.

The first and principal matter that the community will look into is the issue of a Three Bulls Blog Ombudsman, “Mendacious D, Ombirdspersonpantsmoose”, and his recent reference to the collection of people who sometimes frequent its comments section as the “Exalted Commentariat.” Many community steakholders objected to the commentariat being referred to as “Exalted”, particularly by an Ombudsman whose purpose and mission is to be neutral as per the COBA statutes. The committee will grill some of the commenters to see if they are in fact exalted, and whether this exalted status, factual or not, is really within the ambit of an Ombudsman to decide.

Said one of the newly appointed steakholder representatives, “It’s really pretty presumtuous for him to have said that, especially since this commentariat has shown extreme bias against certain classes of organisms and repeated lies and slander about them. Now, if you’ll excuse me, but my hand is a little red and sticky and I need to clean it before I pick up my steak again.” The community steakholder squirted a little lemon juice on the steak and wandered off.

Spokesman Glomboly declined to answer questions about future mandates for this committee, saying that other complaints pertaining to currently living community groups would be reviewed in due course.

Our New Faith

Geenie C. had an awesome dream. Allow me to paraphrase from her hazy memory, although I believe his fishness will enjoy to the tutmost.

She was at the gym and was about to start a step class or similar and instead of starting the class, the instructors rolled out this display- it sounded like it was like the easel with the large pad of paper a la Win, Lose, or Draw (“Hi Bert, I’m a midwestern zombie who eats brains and loves to play Win, Lose or Draw!” We have dated ourselves here and cast aspersions). Or it might have been a white board or chalk board on wheels. Either way, the instructors said they had something to share with the class and that sharing was a new religion and when they said this they revealed the name of the religion, and I poops you not, the name of the religion was “ScienceTragédie” or something like that- GC said it was all one word and there was an accent somewhere. Anyhow, the details were sketchy but GC pretty much bounced out of there because she was thinking “Wha?” In the next seen GC is looking our our bedroom window with the Goob, and it appears that there is a couple, perhaps mother and daughter in our yard. They happen to be picking all of the flowers in our yard (the beflowered state of the yard is a major clue that reality is being warped). GC goes outside to ask the people to stop picking all of our flowers and they proceed to start in on their religion, ScienceTragédie, a la JW door-to-door style. Then I think she woke up.

I urge our non-me reader to help 3B fill in the blanks about this important new faith by working out in comments exactly how ScienceTragédie could work.

Solidarity

As documented below, ZRM has joined Von in the highly exclusive club of flagged commenters. This is a blatant example of anti-Zombie bias, and we will not stand for this action against our honoured colleague. The Ombuds Collective beseeches Pinko to find some way of fixing this. Think of the children!

(Although in fairness it could be that Akismet has become self-aware and is punishing ZRM for his admission that he has “used Pitchfork reviews to discover new music.” There is still no excuse for banning Von, and there never will be.)

In the interim, we would like to open the floor to proposed protest actions.

OTHER BUSINESS:

1. In a follow-up to the Pitchfork post, regarding the release of Jay-Z albums on inauspicious dates, we should mention that Nickleback’s debut album came out on September 11, 2001. We offer no other comment.

2. Jennifer asks: Wasn’t there a contest going on? Yes, and we are appalled to see our header up there.

3. It is somewhat startling that none of this is fish’s fault. Discuss.

Bad Religion

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7Hb4bxF12E]

ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT

THREE BULLS HAS CLASSIFIED ZOMBIE COMMENTS AS SPAM.

….well, I guess that’s kind of hard to argue with.

BUT STILL.

AND HIM AN OFFICIAL ZOMBUDSPANTS. C.O.B.A. SHALL HEAR OF THIS. AND POSSIBLY THE C.C.A. CERTAINLY THE AMERICAN INSTITUTE OF LEFT-HANDED LUTE POLISHERS!

HEADS. SHALL. ROLL.

 

Really.  He’s quite upset.