Search Results for 'pitchfork'

Pitchforke Cobaggery Watch 2014 Top 30

It is sad to realize that my anticipation when listening to terrible tracks of how pained UC would be when he eventually would listen and be forced to describe is pain in hilarious words, and thinking about what he would say when reading terrible, terrible prose regaling in these same tracks, was really what made Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch enjoyable. Anyhow, I just breezed through the top 30 this year for THROWBACK THURSDAY.

30. A. G. Cook “Beautiful”
Pinko Punko says: Chipmunk Speak N’ Spell Stacey Q. Andrew Ryce almost begs for forgiveness having to polish this sort of turd. It’s an OK gimmick sort of for a dance track, but I sort of wonder why it is worthy of any comment at all.

29. Spoon “Do You”
Pinko Punko says: Spoon have been so good for so long, a new ultra polished and evolved perfectly constructed record from them doesn’t seem to demand the attention it deserves. The new one is better than the last one and I can’t wedge my schedule to listen to it much, but it is typically excellent. I like “New York Kiss” for a Spoon track with non-Spoon sounds.

28. Grouper “Holding”
Pinko Punko says: Super beautiful hushed vocals over spare, repetitive piano. It is a different universe from the usual list filler. I’m sort of surprised that this sort of song would be considered- where is the shiny gimmick so attractive to the internet?

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Pitchforke Cobaggery Watch 2012!!!!!! Incomplete Appetizer

As I consider whether it is possible to consider this year’s Pitchfork Top 100 Tracks list, I found this detritus in the draft pile. 2012!!!! Where did the time go? I can only remember two of these 30 songs.

100. Swearin’ “Just”
Pinko Punko says: Everything old is new, but in an OK way. Bettie Serveert+Velocity Girl maybe, with something else 90s that I can’t place when it goes to the guy verse. I feel the hopefulness of a new list in bloom. I feel young I feel free, let’s go down to the Newbury Comics and buy CDs!

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Can Has Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch?

I think the last time I even started it was 2012. Did I touch last years? I don’t know. I need UC for it to be fun. I have listened to almost no music this year, but I still have some good songs. Maybe this week POSTING WILL RESUME. I am happy that UC and I are on record in 2007 just completely crapping all over R. Kelly for being ultra disgusting.

PITCHFORK COBAGGERY WATCH 2011-UNEXPECTED!!!!!!!

PCW 2011

I need to be honest, this feature is less fun for probably two reasons, one UC doesn’t make me laugh nonstop anymore, though I know he would if he could, but also that the music this last year seemed just so boring. The inexplicable and the terrible have been replaced by the sadly predictable. Minimally, if we are gonna stay in this game, we should at least bring back this feature– where the mean record store clerk gives an internal monologue for your purchases. The best part is we could all hammer our favorite albums

The 2011 Track List at Pitchfork

Previously:

2010

We previously sprung the rest of the Top Tracks of 2010 as placed on a Ritz cracker by Pitchfork back in surprisingly April. The list was here, but maybe it is so old it might 404?????

2010 Numbers 20-1

2009

Pitchfork listo here. Our previous 100-81 here. 80-61 here. 60-41 here. 40-21 here. Somebody should graph our output over the year. Diminishing returns? I think not. UC delivers! Suck it, All Music Guide!

2009 Numbers 20-1

2008

It is done.

Previous here and in links.

2008 Numbers 20-1

2007

Here, here, here, here, here.

2006

Here, here, here, here.

2011 JUST IN TIME FOR 2012! And here. we. go.

100. Thundercat “For Love (I Come Your Friend)”
PP says: The intro on this is very free-form Spinal Tap jazz odyssey. Now I am wondering if this is a Destroyer-level joke/awesome ironic/serious take on something, but now I feel like it is cool kid irony reversal, make something so uncool that you can reverse direction on a dime and declare it cool when nobody is looking, guaranteeing that you will lead the charge. My feelings on this: jazz fusion is either great forever, or mostly never, but it is one or the other, and if you can’t explain it without using the context “no, this is cool now because it isn’t cool” then it is probably just a noodly wank. Novelty mixtape trashbin material, but inoffensive.

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PITCHFORK *CHECK PLEASE*

Relevant

UC chastised me for participating in Le Pitchfork’s People’s List, where everyone got to vote for their favorite albums from Pitchfork’s existence. They said they’d take all the data and present it in super cool ways. Instead, they show some top 20 lists parsed by some geography and a few questions (most listened to genre). For the whole shebang they give the top 200 albums on a nice looking page and a graph where they break the thing down by albums from year with a table or so about some of the data. They just seemed like they failed. Where they succeeded is I assume some information harvesting app because they required voting through social media sites. Who knows. UC and I kind of had a group vote- we traded suggestions back and forth with arcane rules for vetoes etc.,

Suggestions for what would have been actually cool:

1) Top 1000 or even 2000 albums- nothing in the top 200 is surprising so much, but it would be interesting to know what albums were in the next pockets of interest (since there were tons of albums voted for) and a great way to remember some albums that have maybe fallen off.

2) Top write-in albums (bunch of well known albums were not in their database) UPDATE- OOPS- they did have this one. This was a little bit sad because these should have been in the database- I would have liked to see how many of the top 200 were suggested in their pages for the top rated albums- perhaps a little selection bias maybe

TOP-VOTED WRITE-IN ALBUMS
PAVEMENT BRIGHTEN THE CORNERS
REFUSED THE SHAPE OF PUNK TO COME
LAURYN HILL THE MISEDUCATION OF LAURYN HILL
BRAND NEW THE DEVIL AND GOD ARE RAGING INSIDE ME
PULP THIS IS HARDCORE
QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE RATED R
DEFTONES WHITE PONY
JAY-Z REASONABLE DOUBT
BEASTIE BOYS HELLO NASTY
PAVEMENT TERROR TWILIGHT
THE WHITE STRIPES DE STIJL
BLUR BLUR
DELTRON 3030 DELTRON 3030
OUTKAST ATLIENS
DR. DRE 2001
SLEATER-KINNEY DIG ME OUT
MUSE ORIGIN OF SYMMETRY
THE VERVE URBAN HYMNS
MUSE ABSOLUTION
JIMMY EAT WORLD CLARITY

3) Distribution of rankings for albums in the top 20 at least (kind of like how IMDB lets you look at distribution of scores for movies- and then gives some demographic breakdowns).

4) A selection of some people’s number 1s that didn’t make the top 200 and their comments. People’s comments were a nice feature. I presume they harvested a ton of comments from people on albums they love, yet they only used 10 of them. It is nice to see regular people write about stuff without trying too hard (™ Grayson Currin writing about metal, Ian Cohen writing about re-releases, maybe anyone at Pitchfork?).

5) They had one small list of albums that scored OK but had no number 1 votes. That was interesting. They could have had more breakdowns along these lines.

6) Maybe geography by state instead of two entries for NYC (holla Brooklyn!)

Definitely Nobody Expects Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 2010 Tracks 20-1

We previously sprung the rest of the Top Tracks of 2010 as placed on a Ritz cracker by Pitchfork back in surprisingly April. The list was here, but maybe it is so old it might 404????? Just kidding, I finished the top 10 tonight. I had to get myself in shape for 2011’s list, soon to be released. UC, are you joining us?

And off we go!!!!!!!!

20. Erykah Badu “Window Seat”
Pinko Punko says:Sounds like a Erykah Badu singing over a vaguely Massive Attack “Protection”-like beat with some Quiet Storm like touches. OK but so unmemorable I forgot to do this list until November or read anything about why this song is supposedly exceptional.

UC adds:
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Nobody Expects Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 2010 Tracks 100-21

Sit in the comfy chair. You will need it.

Special editorializing by UC. Very provocative, but less humor than usual.
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Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch Approachening

Odds and sods on slings and arrows slung and arrowed during the holiday snausage making:

The Geenie Cola, applied today by Geenie Cola, RE: “I Am the Walrus”-

“This is their worst period. They were all “I’m cool, it’s cool, we’re cool so we can do whatever crap and people will still think it’s cool”

1:1 for UC using it regarding some squeezed out prose-loaf of the Fork staff.

10:1 for inevitable Pitchfork backlash of previously loved band

The Topical:

“Just as the flow of secret documents emanates over the internet-aether from the increasingly arrogant and misunderstood Wikileak’s Julian Assange…”

Incalculable (certain) for Philip Sherburne (of whom we are now fond even though we do not favor infinitely icy minimalist housescapes)

The Meh:

“Remember that time when Papa Smurf was into the blow and Brainy Smurf was……[five paragraphs later]….this track is like Garga-meh-l”

The longer it is the better the odds are for Pinko Punko, the more deliciously skewery, UC

The Stereogum Commenter Generically Ironic:

“I both agree/disagree with this [no specific signifier] list and would like to imply any effort or attention to thinking or discussing this topic is to be mocked. Effort and attention to register for Stereogum and type this comment obviously not included.”

Odds equal to the rising and setting of the sun, and the internet existing.

Also consider:

The Defensive:

“Why do those *ssholes say I do/say stuff that I didn’t do/say? Their terrible writing about our bad writing is so sarcasm tag ironic close sarcasm tag yeah I get it, I’ve been crafting a cutting tweet all year with which to acknowledge that what they say/do is predictable though I admit 2006 was funny in an already played out way, also this iPhone Thai food app is awesome.”

Pinko Punko:

“I would kill for your Thai food app.”

The Goob:

“She bounced her knees. I guess that’s another “like.” Wait, see if she’ll do it when you bang on a pot with a wooden spoon. Yeah, she did.”

The ZRM:

I’ll only listen to/read this if there is the possiblity of Mekons or Pepsi Smash and rum, preferably both.

Kathleen:

It’s kind of a haze on whose plan it was to do a different drink per entry. I shall blame C. Next year I will read one novel for each song, and have them read and reviewed before UC gets to #77.

Nate Patrin:

Those guys are DICKS.

Happy Birthday to Pinko Punko from Pitchfork

Dear Mr. Punko,

Despite the years of abuse we at Pitchfork have suffered at the hands of yourself and Monsieur Canadian, we still retain a fondness for your blog and the good work done over the years.  It takes a truly half-assed blog to make us look like we know what we’re doing.  Also, thanks for the traffic.  As a token of our appreciation and in celebration of your birthday, we at the P-fork team have been conducting our own research projects to give back to the greater bullsian community.  Attached please find our most recent manuscript, published in our flagship Pitchfork Press journal, Cobag Cell, which we think you will find tremendously interesting.  Although we still hate you very much, we want you to know how much better we are than you.

Sincerely yours,

The staff at Pitchfork

Pitchfork

Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 2009 Numbers 20-1

I don’t know if you can handle this. We’re going to sneak the sh*t up on Mitchum’s Twitter. Ian Cohen will be blindsided. Breihan will be speechless. Nate Patrin will look like Team Jacob (wtf?)- sad. Sherburne, better left unmentioned, before he works in LeBron James’ imminent decision into a review of a Boris/Chundernozzle split white label 12 inch.

Pitchfork listo here. Our previous 100-81 here. 80-61 here. 60-41 here. 40-21 here. Somebody should graph our output over the year. Diminishing returns? I think not. UC delivers! Suck it, All Music Guide!

20. Japandroids “Young Hearts Spark Fire”
PP says: The murky production here leaves me cold. If this song were just this side of the line, say Titus Andronicus I would be fine. If you play the lo-fi game of a certain level of retro stylings you have an equal chance of me loving you track or feeling like the heart is belied by a certain cynicisim or is an academic creation. I need to put on a sweater.

UC adds: Music only a 17-year old could love. Is this the new face of emo? Didn’t I warn you all that this would happen? Blech. I can’t find a single redeeming thing about this track – certainly not the production, singing, lyrics, or instrumental ability. Truly battle of the bands material only. [PP adds: Mendacious D is crestfallen]
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