Why do technocratic contrarian life trolls live under bridges?

Answer: They don’t, suckers. Enjoy the aggregate slight increase in probability you won’t be ground into horse meat replacement due to the floating of a hypothetical boat- I just thought about this for one second- luckily I don’t get paid by the second, but maybe I should? MONEYBOX OUT, ZITCHES

For your musical displeasure:

Repost of our previous. (Lyrics at the link-o)

Matthew Yglesias Battle Rap Demo

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Matthew Yglesias Battle Rap Single Remix (courtesy of Mendacious D, original post here)

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The only think we fear now that the internet is disgusted with Our Matt is a backlash backlash. More mascara for the original lashes, here’s hoping they go for miles.

Why do we saw the same old with regard to Our Matt? Why do repeat ourselves?

I can’t get into the greatest nutpunches the world has received from this marginally successful yet hugely unlikeable pratfall on actual ideas and discourse. But Mattsplaining is STAGMC. Behold this recent and glistening work product. It doesn’t even make sense.

Charles and David Koch are reporting considering buying the Tribune Company (owners of the L.A. Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Baltimore Sun, and others) prompting a great Garance Franke-Ruta piece on why big city newspapers’ editorial staffs invariably lean left.

That said, I don’t see this as reason for skepticism about the merits of the Koch venture. It’s actually why it makes sense. The “liberal media” is, as Franke-Ruta argues, largely a product of the free market. Certain niches—talk radio and cable television—are very friendly to a conservative editorial product but others are not. Which is exactly why what conservative media needs is a couple of extremely rich people to buy a newspaper company and lose a ton of money building a great conservative media product.

After all, the big problem with right-leaning media in America isn’t that it doesn’t exist. It’s that it’s terrible. There is a large audience out there that’s so frustrated with the vile MSM that it’s happy to lap up cheaply produced content from Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, and you can make lots of money serving that kind of thing up. By contrast, to build a great media company that’s top-to-bottom staffed with conservatives is going to be very expensive. The possible talent pool of great reporters is tilted toward liberals. The talent pool of great photographers and graphic designers is probably even more tilted toward liberals. Finding the great conservatives out there and hiring them is going to be relatively costly, and there’s no real economic point to doing so. Is your much worse cost structure going to get you a larger audience than Rush? No, it won’t. It’s a bad bet.
But the Kochs have plenty of money. If they want to see it happen, they can make it happen. And America would be better off for it.

Everyone All Around

What will it take to spruce up this place? 2000 Word CHEEP articles? Discussions about current events? Punning? A party thread? Planning a mission to rescue Yosef from In N’ Outer Mongolia (that would be an amazing place)? The creeping malaise of being bored with the internet must be stopped. Jexter has arisen from under the stone, Popren has arisen from his long slumber, the beast from the depths of despair is nowhere to be seen, citrus fashion will become popular again, the rolo gun is locked and loaded.

GOOB

GOOB

Update: when did we get a polaroid thing on our picture things? Where am I?

Second Update:

When we rescue Yosef, we take this:

Qua?

Qua?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I saw some computer or internet thing called a “Plover” and I had to laugh. I know this is an inside-out joke in our empty spaces here as the tumbleweeds blow through, though.

Unrelated, I just got an email that reminded me of our delightful heyday. VERY funny. I miss everyone and hope all is well in our world, though I remain more than perturbed at the possibility of Mad Max franchising locally if not nationally or internationally. I also don’t want to rely on the fact that I might not taste good to ward off zombies. I can’t quite see how taste-aversion would protect me once my brain were sampled in even the tiniest of portions.

Interesting notes: an out and about young person was filled with the Spirit and was moved to say something nice, but slightly hilarious about myself and The Goob. We were nicely walking in Nature and she stopped and said we reminded her of thinking about The Father ministering to His Son or something else culturally capitalized. It was meant as a nice sentiment, and I expressed this to her for her kind words (in her way), but I could only think abouttelling you yahoos about it, and the chorus of inevitable Trollypantses saying “Christ, What an Asshole”

Just Read It

The Howler on Rosa Parks as exemplar for where we are and how we are broken.

Superb Owl!

This thing is like a tax on my time. I will not even remember the teams in this thing next year.

And I made some Korean BBQ and found out that the backup Ssamjang had changed colors and was actually two years expired.

CONSTANT DEGRADATION, and probably oxidation.

I double dog dare K. to order a Bud Black Crown some time at the local. Then she can hand the barkeep a marker to write on her shirt “yes” to its trendy, “ironic” “DO I LOOK LIKE A COBAG?” FRANKIE SAY RELAX QUESTION

REMIX

P-fork was right for once.

Bun B is an H-town legend. Just kills it. Love that flow.

HAPPY HAPPY

Reasonable non-sucky sign of the evening to come.

Spill the Wine was on the radio.

Any other requests for the evening, either song or cocktail?

Stay safe, peoples.

BUSHMASTER FOR XMAS

New York Ad Agency Internal Memo

RE: Bushmaster account

Looking for pull quotes for the new .223/AR-15 ad-

Reached out the John “DC Sniper” Muhammad’s people- they say he’s unavailable? Anyone have a cell number? Maybe we can cross market with Chevy on tricked out Caprices. What is Malvo doing?

Trying to track down Lanza- looks like he’s a no go either.

Can we get this NY guy? He’s a pretty hot commodity right now.

Just so much to work with on this account- just no idea which way to go.

Spitballs:

Dr. Pepper 10 style ironic- “Bushmaster- it’s just for hunting”- could get laughs.

Possible musical angles: Bodycount? “Cop killer”? (can we change this to “kid” or “fireman” for niche marketing???)

What about St. Peter/Pearly gates thing- can we have him complaining about being so busy “like “goldarn Bushmaster!!”- any issues with church groups? Could be a humorous take. Maybe get Wilford Brimley? Is he still working?

PITCHFORK COBAGGERY WATCH 2011-UNEXPECTED!!!!!!!

PCW 2011

I need to be honest, this feature is less fun for probably two reasons, one UC doesn’t make me laugh nonstop anymore, though I know he would if he could, but also that the music this last year seemed just so boring. The inexplicable and the terrible have been replaced by the sadly predictable. Minimally, if we are gonna stay in this game, we should at least bring back this feature– where the mean record store clerk gives an internal monologue for your purchases. The best part is we could all hammer our favorite albums

The 2011 Track List at Pitchfork

Previously:

2010

We previously sprung the rest of the Top Tracks of 2010 as placed on a Ritz cracker by Pitchfork back in surprisingly April. The list was here, but maybe it is so old it might 404?????

2010 Numbers 20-1

2009

Pitchfork listo here. Our previous 100-81 here. 80-61 here. 60-41 here. 40-21 here. Somebody should graph our output over the year. Diminishing returns? I think not. UC delivers! Suck it, All Music Guide!

2009 Numbers 20-1

2008

It is done.

Previous here and in links.

2008 Numbers 20-1

2007

Here, here, here, here, here.

2006

Here, here, here, here.

2011 JUST IN TIME FOR 2012! And here. we. go.

100. Thundercat “For Love (I Come Your Friend)”
PP says: The intro on this is very free-form Spinal Tap jazz odyssey. Now I am wondering if this is a Destroyer-level joke/awesome ironic/serious take on something, but now I feel like it is cool kid irony reversal, make something so uncool that you can reverse direction on a dime and declare it cool when nobody is looking, guaranteeing that you will lead the charge. My feelings on this: jazz fusion is either great forever, or mostly never, but it is one or the other, and if you can’t explain it without using the context “no, this is cool now because it isn’t cool” then it is probably just a noodly wank. Novelty mixtape trashbin material, but inoffensive.

Continue reading ‘PITCHFORK COBAGGERY WATCH 2011-UNEXPECTED!!!!!!!’

BLARG

Everyones, this blog has been getting 60 spams a day. They don’t make it onto the blog, but they completely swamp my will to do anything. Consider them the tree in the yard that does nothing but drop stinky pods that must be raked. I loathe such rakers.

Anyhow, there is now double the math for your commenting fiascos. Unless plover can figure out, as plovers are wont, where in the style sheet the new Captcha font color is called out, your tiny eyes will do nothing but strain to make out the directions for your math Waterloo. As much as I hope that shady Ruskeroo criminal computers would be even more disadvantaged in squinting their cpu to conquer such Captcha, I feel we might be in trouble.

Anyhow. I have probably about 10 days to finish Pitchforke Cobaggery Watch 2011 before 2012 rolls around. Nothing says how boring the list must have been last year than the great effort put out by music lovers (Seitz), and snark lovers (Brando), and Pinko haters (UC) and in betweeners (PP) that we could not make it through 100 songs in 350 days. Onward.

Did I miss the election? What happened?